December 19, 2008
The Best Laid Plans
The day didn’t work out quite as planned but then I have come to find out they usually don’t.
We know we are not in control of what transpires. Only how we deal with what comes our way. So why not try and make the best of it.
I found a listing in the yellow page for an internet café
Down on Main street
This is not too far from here. So we decided to explore a bit.
There is an old cemetery where we heard rests some of the victims of the Titanic. It lies on top of a hill that over looks downtown Halifax. I wonder why graveyards fascinate us and also the Titanic. There is quite a conspiracy around this that I not so long ago stumbled upon when doing my research on the internet. But it is dangerous bringing these facts to light. And I do mean facts. Most people prefer to bury their heads in the sand and call conspiracy theorists nut cases and pretend the world is what they see on television.
I come from a family like this and maybe that is partly why I am treated like I am incapable. A nut jar who needs to have psychiatric care.
Not that I, until this year, even knew about any conspiracies. Prior to this I voiced my opinion about a lot of injustices and that all in our world is not so easily explained.
I believe that we are all being directed by a higher power, also in synchronicity. Hell, Oprah can believe in this but when I talked to my family about God winks and some of my feelings I was called a religious fanatic. When I look back I honestly believe that is when they turned on me.
Prior to this the only person I didn’t get along with some of the time was my sister Diane, who was also affectionately known as the family bitch. Now when I call her a bitch and try to defend myself against her accusations and controlling nature, no one in my family takes my side. Sometimes I suspect it is because she has too much money for her own good and this has influenced the opinions of other. After all, you don’t want to give up your free cruises, or vacations at Blue Mountain.
Anyway I have to let this go.
That is their problem not mine. I now know never to go to them for support ever again. Maybe this was the lesson I needed to learn during this life time?
Only trust in your higher power. I am still learning.
It was very windy and cold on the top of the hill so Al just took a few pictures and we proceeded to look for Hard Drive Cafe down on Main Street. An hour later, when we got to the address, we saw a for sale sign on the building so we took this as a sign that we are not meant to leave this place quite yet.
We were exhausted after our three hour treck and came back to the room and took a long nap. It ended up that the listing was for a café on Main in Dartmouth not Halifax. We are still learning the ropes on getting around out here.
We booked the room for another two nights and I headed out downtown on my own to use the internet at another locations. This time I called first to confirm I was going to the right city.
To be honest, for some reason, I was feeling nervous and questioning if we were making the right decisions.
I have faith, but sometimes not enough in myself.
Also I keep waiting for the next bomb to fall that often gets communicated to me through Gmail.
There are too many institutions I do not need to hear from right now. Once we are settled I will deal with them but our first priority is to get settled.
Mom told me that you had answered one of her e-mails. I'm really glad that you did that, Mom and Dad were really happy that you did get in touch with them, I know you don't want them to worry about you but you know they are parents it's their job to worry they can't help it and it's nothing that any other parent wouldn't do and I know deep down you wouldn't expect it any other way so you can't blame them for that.
Mom wanted me to let you know that she sent money to me to give to you for your birthday and for Christmas. If you want to pick it up just let me know when and I will make sure to bring it to the office.
I know that you know how much I care about you, I have never done anything in my whole entire life to hurt anyone intentionally especially not you, why would I, you are my sister and you have always been my best friend. I hope one day that we can be those things to each other again.
Love your sisterJanet
How I wanted to send back a scathing email. How much you love me? Really. If this is how you treat me, preferring to see us out on the street, or me in some mental institution rather than admitting your interference has caused so much unrest in my life, than actually supporting me. And I don’t mean with money. I have never asked for a hand out in my life. Maybe you should at least look at proof before you lock me away. Maybe you can stop calling Mom and Dad with your version of my life? Getting them so distressed that they can’t sleep at night. They are frantic and this I know will be blamed on me by you because after all I am not the same old Lisa anymore. What exactly does this mean?
Give me a break and stay out of my life forever, etc. etc. etc.
Instead I just sent the following email to my parents
Dear Nanny and Papa
I am sending you this email because I am very concerned about a lot of things. My parents sometimes try to hide the truth from me and put on a brave face but I don't know how much more we can take. Since July it's been one thing after the other. Before this I was so happy and excited cause we were planning on moving to Mexico. We really wanted the both of you to spend some time with us. Now everything has changed and we are on the lam moving from place to place trying to find some place cheap for us to live.
I know my Mom is especially worried that those people will take all our money away and we will be living on the streets. We don't even have a car to stay warm in and I have to be snuck into most places and not allowed in the rest. My Mom is also very, very sad because no one understands our side. I am sad about this too.
I'm thinking maybe no one knows what we have gone through. One day I'm the Prince of High Park and the next day I'm a pauper? This is so very unfair because my parents have worked so hard and have so many great plans and now because of no fault of theirs, that I know about, we have to run away from home and are worried that we will be out on the streets in the cold, with no money and no food.
Our house is worth lots of money and everything we had was invested in it. I was very proud of them for making me safe and being very responsible parents, and smart investors too. If we were to have sold our home and put what money would have been left in the stock market, like Auntie Diane was insisting we do last winter, I hate to think where we would be right now?
But my biggest, biggest worry is that my Mommy will be taken away from me. It was so scary having those police come to the door. One of them had this big yellow tazer gun and they had flashlights and were searching everywhere for her like she was some criminal and honest to God, my Mom can't even hurt a fly, so why would they want to lock her up? Everyone I meet thinks my Mom and Dad are great. They help out everybody they can and now there is no one to help them.
I heard them talking and found out that the first time my Mom was brought to that MENTAL institution they wouldn't let her out for a whole month. I could not bare us being separated for that long. The worse time in my life was when they took away my Dad from me. We never want to be separated again. I heard her say to Dad that they told her she was only going to be locked up for 72 hours but when she tried to leave they said they would send police to pick her up and then she could be held indefinitely. She has some friends that this has happened to also.
So from what I can piece together someone is not telling you the truth or doesn't know all the truth. I don't know why no one asks my Mom? She was there and my Mom never lies. I also know about the second time she went there. She wanted people to stop thinking she was mentally disabled and go off of those awful drugs that were doing her a lot of harm. But honest to God, Nanny and Papa, my Mom is one of the most smartest people I know, other than my Dad. She is also funny and kind and very brave. Well she tries to be brave anyway and never lets me know when she is scared. But I know. Us dogs can read minds and I know my Mom is also very sad too.
So much has happened to the three of us but we all love each other very much and this keeps us happy most of the time. My Mom is also great with her money. How else would I have gotten to live on High Park? I heard that before she signed that paper that is now haunting us, the one that MENTAL institution made her sign in order to get out of that crazy place, her credit rating was the best it could possibly be, so why would they make her sign something that is a lie? I don't understand it?
My Mom desperately needs a good lawyer. But how can we get her a lawyer if we can't even find a place to live. We need somewhere very far from those people who want her locked up so she causes no problem and sell our home. They have already caused way too much damage. They also expect us to pay for this "service" too! These people have lied or changed their story continuously but they aren't so smart. They left a whole pile of envelopes in our mailbox addressed to Tenant (no one here by that name) trying to get the rent cheques from our renters, who also happen to be our friends. We don't want to get them involved but when police come knocking very loudly on their doors looking for Mom it's hard to know what to say. And why wouldn't they tell Mom they were going to do this? And how can this possibly be allowed to happened to us?
Wasn't it bad enough that Mom never received her income tax refund that would have payed off all the debts? This is very suspicious to me. Wasn't it bad enough when her bank account got frozed so she couldn't even cash a cheque? Wasn't it bad enough when the banksters gave us such a hard time, took money illegally from Mom's account, because we were two weeks behind in our mortgage and then we had to put up our home for sale in a big rush and it was so very stressful. Then we had to rent out our own place to try and get some money and sell all Mommy's treasures that she had been collecting for years.
These banksters also told us lots of lies. But now we know more why this happened. A good friend of Mommy and Daddy's went to the bank to see about possibly buying our house. He knows the manager and the manager told him that the guardians were in control of Mommy's finances since July. That's when everything started going wrong. Why didn't they tell Mom until months later that this was going on? So why would anyone believe that these people are here to help us?
Why would Auntie Janet be in touch with these people behind our back? Why would my Mom want to sign any papers saying she was disabled when she is not? My Mom is very honest so why would she agree to this lie. Look what happened when she signed the other paper.
My Mom is also so hurt that even after telling Auntie Janet to not get you two involved and all worried that she didn't even listen to this and told you. This is not right. Why do my Aunts and Uncles not mind their own business? It's embarrassing to have them spying on us and then getting you all worried. My Mom or Dad never asked them to help us through this mess. So why would Auntie Janet come by with a message from the others that they would help us? Only on condition thought that we did not visit you in Montreal?
Why wouldn't they not want me to see my own grandparents, who brought me up and here, to the best parents in the world? I'm also sad. I was looking forward to visiting you. Mom and Dad had all kinds of plans. They desperately need some peace right now. They need a break.
Mommy is writing a book and we met a great guy who is going to show the book to the biggest publishing house in Canada. His best friend is the big boss of the company. Dad also has plans to get us back on our feet, or paws in my case. And we have to find a good lawyer so my Mom can get some justice after all.
I can't believe how unfair this world is ... lately I've been watching lots of CNN and there are so many people getting kicked out of their houses and living on the streets. Meanwhile the governments around the world are giving trillions and trillions of dollars to those evil banksters, who won't even lend anyone a dime unless you're rich that is. This world makes no sense to me. So if anyone thinks these government guardian people are here to help us, I think they need their head checked.
Anyway Nanny and Papa, I know this is a long letter but i'm desperate for you to know what is really going on. We really, really need a safe place to stay for a few months so we can work on getting our lives back in order. If we don't have a safe place to stay, I have no idea what will happen to us?
Please email me back and let me know if we can hide out at your place while you're in Barbados. This is the only way I can think of to help out my Mom and Dad.
p.s big snowstorms expected here .. don't know when I can next check the emails
I located Connie and John’s telephone number and also found 10 or so listings on Craig’s list for shared accommodations that look interesting right here in Halifax. Maybe we are meant to stay here? So I left a few emails and we are planning on checking out some today. Getting in touch with Connie and John to boot.
The best laid plans….
December 20, 2008
Worry is wasteful
Al woke up a few minutes ago and mentioned to me that he had a difficult time sleeping last night. His head has been shaking a lot. I was noticing it yesterday myself. I hope it is because of tension and not some medical condition?
When I was in my early twenties and I was uncomfortable, like going on job interviews, eating in front of strangers (people find it hard to believe but I was very shy) my head also use to shake. Now that I have gotten over my shyness my head no longer shakes, I am guessing it was due to tension?
I am trying not to add another worry to my list because I have come to learn that what we worry about hardly ever comes to pass and it really is a wasted emotion. Unfortunately this doesn’t always stop my worry though. If anything were to happen to Al or Tee my life would crumble. They are my rocks.
Al told me once that when he first met me he just knew in his heart that he had to protect me. He never wanted so see me hurt again and he has been my protector ever since. He also told me that a few days before meeting me he prayed all night. He was staying at the Scott Mission at the time, located right next door to CAMH.
He told God that if this was what his life was meant to be that was okay and would do his best to be of service. But what he really truly wanted was a woman and a dog. He got more than he bargained for sure with the two of us. And he did bargain, not that I think you need to when dealing with God. In return, he would devote his life to being of service, and so he has.
I also, at one time made a similar prayer.
We do believe in prayer and I spent some of last night praying that we find a safe place to live. So far my prayers have always been answered though for some strange reason, at the last moment. I am getting use to this. It makes life exciting.
I suspect we will find a perfect place and have exactly enough money to see us through. We have suffered very little throughout our ordeals and the suffering I have felt is usually due to worrying about what never comes to pass.
I don’t get it? It’s like everything that has transpired never happened. No mention or even questions about anything I have said.
Both Al and I suspect this is yet another trap in order to lure me back into the mental institution. I am sure my family thinks we are both unstable and need to be taken care of. But honestly after reading these emails I am questioning their sanity. It’s enough to make me go insane.
I wonder if this is what often happens with people who get locked away. We become what people believe us to be. I will not get trapped into this web again.