Thought of the day: Do not commit any negative action. Perform abundant acts of virtue.
We are officially in business!
Al has just gone to pick me up a cup of coffee, if I can stomach it, and a green tea if I can’t. I know you are not suppose to tell anyone at the early stage of pregnancy but this is just another stupid fear that has been put into us. The fear of losing a baby. Well I said I would keep no secrets and I will honour my word. This secret I want to yell out to the world and rejoice and I think I will call all my family and close friends once Dr. Arani confirms the fact.
I want to rejoice for Al and I that this is a Miracle. We are really and truly seeing the light right now and understanding the importance of our mission.
I will ask Al to buy us a bottle of champagne to celebrate this evening with our first supper, in our first home together.
For some reason Jag loves booze. Al says he takes after the Theriault’s or terriers, as he affectionately calls us.
Jag also seems to stomach Indian food? The little bugger is ruling me already. But of course I don’t mind the booze part because it relaxes me and I could use some relaxing. I also think it is important to follow the baby’s intuition. Why fight with it?
So we are rolling. A word that someone told me was the best word in the world. They are so many sayings that come to mind.
Let’s role, let’s rock and role, a rolling stone gathers no moss, Rolling Rolling on a River, to be a rock and not to role
Al and I are a couple of holy rollers. Can’t believe it he has gotten me to read the bible everyday. This book use to scare the bejesus out of me.
Now I find it very interesting, scary no doubt, but I trust my Albert to look after me. Along with the guidance of our parents up above so I really do not feel any fear.
Finally, I am letting go of the chains that have shackled me for most of my life. Other than a few good years, where I mustered up the courage to just roll. It was the best time of my life up until now.
Now I know so much more and most importantly now I have found intimate love and there are no more illusions.
Al just came back with coffee and tea. We are really rolling now.
Well I hate to admit this, shame, shame on me, but Jag just loves beer and cigarettes and these are the only things that keep me from chocking up right now.
So another shame, that should never have been a shame in the first place, I am finally realizing… It is important that we cherish the gifts from our Higher Power. They are pure. If a baby in a womb knows this I must trust this intuition and not question my higher power. We need to get back to our grass roots. I am sure if we look back in history, we will find out that wine, beer, tobacco, are gifts from above so why look a gift horse in the mouth?
Now this smoking thing (for Smoking Lesa it is a dilemma). But to just quit cold turkey would cause me a lot of stress which Jag would feel. Frankly it’s not tobacco, I think, that is the problem but all the additives (chemicals some evil people have added in order to ensure this product is highly addictive… so they can make more profits) I have been smoking as pure of a cigarette I can get, from the Native Indians, and they do not bother me at all. I have met the most beautiful people because of our common habit of smoking. It gives us opportunities to talk and relax. Just like a good glass of wine or a cold beer.
Beware though of any man made chemical… most of these I feel are very dangerous, other than a few that have been developed by well intentioned scientists. Not everything created by man is not a gift from up above, but unfortunately often evil spoils their work. We will all have to work hard together to weed out the bad from the good.
So Jag does not mind boozing and smoking and happens to really get off on a little reefer (makes his imagination go crazy) but what he is having a lot of difficulty with is,
THE AIR THAT WE BREATH
I have upchucked nearly every time I have been outside the last couple of days. Before that come to think about it. My lungs burn, my throat is sore; I can barely stand to be outside. Now being with child certainly makes you sensitive to all these things.
I have no idea why everyone is concerned about gifts from God when we really should be concerned about mistakes made by humans.
Some fodder for though. I have been doing a lot of ?ing of late.
I hope we can all start opening our eyes so everyone can see the light.
Person of the day (Bi-polar or not): My Albert LaL
I give thanks 4 my Higher Power and my new family tree
August 2, 2007
A date with Dr. Arani and Brian (Family Business)
The truth will set us free
Sitting in my unfinished bedroom with dreams galore. Some of the dreams I dreamt yesterday will have to change though.
This is the beauty of everything. Just when you think you have all the answers your Higher Power pulls a fast 1 on u. Always a delightful one I may add.
So unless I am missing something, I am sure getting a huge beer belly.
Yesterday started off a little difficult after journaling. I felt drained and I was very rested before. I felt that nasty old devil around trying his darndest to weaken me.
But I persevered and completed my 1st original piece of Art for WOW NOW. I created a painting that I believe is our new beginning of Art and our language called Love.
This peace says many things in so few words. My Higher Powers were directing me every step of the way. I know this is important because that nasty old devil was not leaving our apartment.
Well if your unwanted guest won’t leave then why not leave your unwanted guest.
So this is what we did. I convinced Al that I desperately needed some wine, at a nice cool, “Hole in the Wall”, our neighbourhood pub. As soon as we stepped into the joint we were refreshed. When the heat is too hot get out of the kitchen. We were eager to go ahead with our plans with a vengeance.
So we came up with a draft version of our presentation. What fun and the ideas were flowing with wine, all in good time too.
I know Al will preach this wonderfully. I will let him be God’s mouth piece this time. It is very important to me to have my family’s support on this one.
I pray to my Higher Powers that my family will see the light.
August 3, 2007
Just a little wining will do
The guiding light will show you the way
Right now Al is trying to get internet and cable connection with rogers.
Why are these people so adverse to customer service? Shame, shame on them. Why do they not trust their customers? Anyway, I will take a deep breath and try to concentrate on my Art.
And what happened yesterday. We get so many distractions.
You will not believe the information rogers is collecting on me. The question is why?
Oh well we are getting some service by the angels that are working in this wicked corporate box. Thank you Sherri for taking our frustration and doing it with a smile.
Time to recount the happenings of yesterday.
Went to my Dr. Arani with Al. Our appointment was for exactly 11:30 and as usual Dr. Arani was right on time.
He is a good doctor but as God has been trying to remind me over and over again through my life, doctors are not God and have no control over life and death. Only our higher power does. However, I nearly fell for it again and did not trust my own intuition. And if I were to study my and Al’s little black books and journals over and over again, I would realize it stems from toxic shame.
It was a very short appointment. Honestly, he was not my usual Dr. Arani, and I have come to realize not to trust the words that come out of anyone’s mouth because the devil (fear) can speak in many tongues. This is an important lesson 4 Al and I!
I told him I though we were pregnant! He asked me if I was happy. I told him I thought it was a miracle. He wanted assurance that I did not think this literally? Are not all babies little miracles. I believe so.
So the 1st thing he warned me about was to be sure not to have too much stress in my life.
Well starting a new relationship, sharing a new home, starting a new business, and starting a new family are all major stressors, al biet good ones… very, very, very good ones.
He told me that only 20% of women my age carry to full term. Now I am stressed. He told me 1 drink could cause fetal alcohol syndrome.
Now I am feeling stress, guilt, fear and of course toxic shame, as all I have been feeding my babies lately have been beer and some wine and anything else I can muster to get down.
I asked him if I could smoke? No… I must quit cold turkey (so maybe I will just not eat any more cold turkey while I am with children?)
Just had to get a beer to calm my stress and feed my baby.
However, he did prescribe sleeping pills and adivan so I can numb my feelings during this awesome miracle.
So I left Dr. Arani’s office feeling a little distraught to put it mildly.
Al put in into perspective 4 me. Whatever is our higher purpose’s will, will be done. So it is out of my hands and I might as well be happy.
We are awaiting “confirmation” from the hospital, who can not of course confirm with the parents, but must confirm with the doctor gods first?
As we were in Oakville, I showed Al my old home. It was sad. It looked like someone had abandoned their dreams. I am curious to know the secret behind this? However, my home now is much more complete.
The air quality was sooo bad we could only move at a snails pace. So we were late for our lunch appointment with my brother-in-law Brian.
Both Al and I have such an aversion to money that we would prefer to give this hot potato to someone else.
Only a great soul can handle the root of all evil.
I hope I did not give him too hard of a time… being pregnant has made me extremely touchy on these subjects so I must really step back and let my Albert deal with these issues. He is a God send 4 me!
I am a quick study, or becoming one. I have much to learn still. But I couldn’t stand the stress and I just had to go out and have a cigarette. It is important 4 me not to eat that cold turkey.
I thought our meeting with Brian went well. He thought what we are planning on doing is quite honourable!
Of course he is a man who does not make rash judgments.
Al just called! Wait till I tell you tomorrow what just transpired. Godwinks … extraordinaire.
After lunch with Brian, stress levels were high and my rain needed a glass of wine or 2. So Al and I celebrated at the royal Queen’s Head pub. We also found the most perfect altere for us to and offer our respect and thanksgiving.
We are getting cable and internet now! Rogers was quick with their service.
August 5, 2007
Always open doors
Al & Lesa survive our 1st thirty days Home… there’s no place like home…
Design… family… our passion
Today we will celebrate our educations. 1-2-3 and basically it was easy as 1-2-3. Not that we don’t have lots and lots to learn but we have definitely passed the 1st class.
What a relief. Yesterday was the most physically draining for me. Trying to keep my eyes open was a definite struggle. So Al and I slept for hours during the day but were once again up until the wee small hours of the morning, when I love you most of all.
The night before I finally met Denis, a member of Al’s family, his brother. Anyway, of course it was love at first sight. What a sweetheart. I feel the connection already. We both love to drink and discuss. He is much like Al, so what is there not to love.
We are going to have dinner with Father Christian. That was my big God wink, or I should say Al’s the day before.
Coincidentally, Al met the good father on his way to the TTC (subway) which yesterday was the better way. Al knows Father Christian from his days at the Scott Mission, where Al was residing when he met me. Father Christian’s church and home is just around the corner from us. It looks like Father Christian is on board. I guess I may have to eat some humble pie.
Hal le lei ya today we will be up and running. I am soo excited. So many projects going through my brain. Today we made some plans but they are just a game plan because one thing Al and I have come to learn, serendipity wins all the time.
Something I thank my Higher Powers 4 because they know my way of life. To discover my journey through new eyes, and if we always were to stay on course, on that straight line, we would lose so many opportunities along the way.
Thank you once again for this beautiful fresh new beginning. And as it is always fitting at the end of a journal. So how can I not help but believe in synchronicity. Ha lai lu ya.