Saturday, January 15, 2011

July 3, 2007 BEYOND FEAR

July 3, 2007

“There is nothing to fear but fear itself”

I am trying very hard to be a brave girl.  I am a baby jaguar after all.   I was told while in Mexico this is a very good sign to have.

Psalm 54:7
“and I said:  Who will give me wings like a dove, and I will fly and be at rest.”

That is my question today.  How can this jail bird fly the coup?

Will I be able to just walk out of here confidently, suit cases packed?

I read my message from TUT yesterday.  It was about insistence.  My nurses have been trying to get me away form the internet?  Is this really for my own good?  It is not so easy for me to trust anybody.  I have heard how much I and all of us have been fed. 

A nurse just came in with a flashlight.  Why was she looking in my suitcase?  I do not want to become paranoid but this place makes you feel that way.  Perhaps this is where paranoid physcos are made?

I am reading a Toltec Guide to Freedom and Joy – Beyond Fear – Teachings of Don Miguel Ruiz.

“The Pyramid of Quetzatoal represents the spirit of God.  The open area of the plaza represents the human mind.

Hell only exists in the Human Mind.  It is an illusion based on fear.  In hell there is only injustice.  Hell is experienced as the emotional poison of anger, envy and greed”.

This place is hell.  This place epitomizes anger, envy and greed.

Not by the inmates of course but by the many evil people around here who are making all the rules.

It is not surprising that I do not want to bear another day here.  I have learnt enough.
Thank you God…  I pray to my angels respectfully to please allow me to get out of this hell hole today.

I do not need to learn anymore to fight the God fight.  So now I know what I  have to do today to finally release the fear

Wonderful that my pen should run out right at the end of the last sentence.  Yes God certainly has a sense of the sublime and she can be quite funny as well.

So I have my privileges back today.  I will take my journal and cigarettes outside and see who I am to meet this morning.

And I do see Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

A  book I read as a teenager.  One I have forgotten often.  If you remember it you may remember that Jonathan flies, and flies further and further, un

“Gayabitos – 45 minutes from Peurto Vayarta – on beach – small tourists shops – real cowboys – Private homes ½ in stone – little mansions

Albert Lal (Red – Urdu) Hindi

Wednesday July 4, 2007!

Sehla, selah, Sehla …

Today definitely calls for a prayer.

“Save me O God, by Your name,
   And vindicate me by Your power,
     Hear my prayer, O God;
       Give ear to the words of my mouth.
         For strangers have risen against me.
           And violent men have sought my life
              They have not set God before them.
                 Behold, God is my helper.
                    The Lord is the sustainer of my soul.
                       He will recompense the evil to my foes.
                          Destroy them to your faithfulness.

 Willingly I will sacrifice to you.
     I will give thanks to your name   O Lord
       For it is good.
         For she  has delivered me from all trouble.
            And my eye has looked
                With satisfaction upon my enemies.

Oh had I wings like a dove!!!

I am free in more ways than one!!!

I know this is an odd way to open up a day, but the day before calls for a little imagination.  Because now I really am starting to understand and I can not wait to find out about:

Intimate Love

Which I have been told by very reliable sources, is the only truth, and everything else is an


Well I am sure I have got your curiosity now.  And mine as well.

What occurred yesterday will take a bit of digestion both for me and you.  I have a feeling I will miss breakfast today.  I have a feeling this will be an incredibly long account of just one day in the life of Lesa Theriault.

How lucky I am to be that girl.

I am writing in my book with my brand new light up pen.  One that was given to me after I wrote in my journal yesterday.  I will reread it now.  Because by going back I often find clues.  And I will now be going back a lot until I get to my


So if you have read this book up the hear you will see there are some more mysteries to uncover.

Mysteries (my stories).  What a beautiful thing to remember.  My little niece, 4 years old, Courtney, the youngest of our family.  Her and I walking home from the bus stop and looking for mysteries.  How much love, love, love I feel for my family today.

Finally I know now that it was only FEAR that inter FEARED with my real a lies ing that my family is PERFECT after all.  Like I have always suspected!

But as usual I must recount what went on yesterday and for now put some of my other stories aside.  I can’t let you in all of my secrets in just one day.

Well, as you can tell I am a little happy this a.m.

I am writing in my journal outside of star bucks on

Beverly Street

Three doors down from where I am now staying.  Home back to Beverly’s place. The quaintest Bed and Breakfast I have ever found!

After a lot of keeping my mouth shut, I was released yesterday.  Albeit on a form or waiver saying this was against dr’s wishes and also receiving a form saying I am not capable of handling my own finances!!!

Money, Money, Money

The root of all evil.

And me with an excellent credit rating to boot! 

Well this is one issue I will take up later, because of all the issues in the world this will have to be the last one for me to sort out.

Thank you God for giving me this in sight.

Also, thanks for all the movie tips I received yesterday from one of the most attractive men I have ever ever met in my life.  This is where my pen came from yesterday.

He and I will become good friends no doubt.  I am intuitive about these things.  I must admit I fell a little in love yesterday.  I am allowed to covet my neighbour because after all intimate love is the only truth.

And the truth will set you free.

Proof, Proof, Proof.

Do I have Proof for you and most importantly for me.

Now I know the name of my enemy, Gala, God of Darkness.
And now it is time to fight the enemy.
Something I am meant to investigate more before I can tell you.  So you will have to be patient like me. 

I finally met with Crystal yesterday.  Some raindrops are falling so it is time for me to go

In Side

BelairDirect, the only radio station I find that comes in clear and what is it advertising.  Why is it so difficult to find a radio station that just plays some nice relaxing music?  Traffic, accidents, fatal shootings.  They want us to be fed fear.  Global Warming???  What a bunch of bull shit we are fed.

Guess what I am drinking now, in my comfortable little bedroom.  A glass of wine… because we should relax… when we feel the need too.

I “am jamming in the name of the Lord…” on the radio now.  I am looking for clues, listening, relaxing, enjoying.  Because life is one big beautiful mystery and just sometimes we need to see some good old horror stories. 

And I have a good one for you.  As I was saying, I met with Crystal, my spiritual advisor yesterday. 

She has ordered me some gifts from the Gods.  They are coming in from Egypt.  She reminds me of my girlfriend Dani.  She told me that God sends us people who look familiar so we will feel more safe.

She makes me feel safe, despite the trials and tribulations I have been through and we are all about to go through.  I could only digest so much yesterday.  So there are still a lot more mysteries for me.

Beautiful gifts for me. Crystal told me I would be given these, because she is praying hard for me.  It makes me weep tears of joy. 

I am so, so blessed.  I will leave it at this.

July 7, 2007

What a stupid study.  Must have been a government one.  Who spoke more on the phone in a day, a man or a woman?  Really like who doesn’t know this and will it change the world?

Maybe I don’t have all the answers.  But I’m planning on asking all the questions, the ones that affect me, and I am planning on getting responses on these questions.  Ones that everyone can see the answers too.  I have so many, good/great/simple ideas and I am going to take these ideas to Mars with me!!!

Took a walk yesterday and I stumbled on Mars.  If anyone is interested in finding out more about Mars you can find it located at

This place just amazed me. 

Oh amazing gracies, I have seen sights, sounds, people, felt feelings, been to places and found myself in situations these last past two days that there is no possible way I can even tell you a tenth of what transpired in the past two days and nights.

I am fasting right now, only fruit and green tea allowed until two thirty.  So I must keep busy, busy, busy.  No smoking is a little difficult for me.  But I am in such a good mood today nothing can bother me that much.

I wonder what happened to J.C. yesterday?  Perhaps we just missed each other once again?  Anyway we both know where to find each other, so when we have some time perhaps some long conversations are overdue.

I have this feeling I am going to be famous?  Don’t mind as long as I am left alone to do what I want to do without paparazzi hounding me down.  I think perhaps this should be a question for my zero rules book why do paparazzi get so much money for one picture and why must we have to see this particular picture over and over again?

I am sure stars would come out more often if they were just left to be.

I got a good tip from a cop the other night when I was off on my all night and a.m. adventure.  I was directed there, very mysteriously, th 

Once again my pen has run out.  My special light up pen, from my specialist person in the whole world.  I will save it.

My phone just rang… I missed it again.  I wonder if it was him?

I can not understand in my sickest nightmare how these people can change a person’s life with a stroke of a pen?

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