December 22, 2008
STORMS A BREWING
We woke up at four a.m. The wind was howling, snow falling and the room was getting chilly because the power lines went down. I hope this is not ominous of what we can expect today. Now hopefully the storm has nearly ended and the electricity will stay back on.
We are curled up in bed watching Frasier. It still sounds like there is a hurricane going on and it is not a pleasant day to be outside. My stomach is in knots. I am anxious to see if there is a reply to T2’s email and what that reply will be? I will have to brave the weather and make my daily trek downtown to Grace’s Internet Café sometime today because I will feel unrest until I do so.
Lately communications with my parents have not gone well and I am hoping that Tee will be able to make them see the light. We aren’t the bad guys here and I hate to call myself a victim, but that is what I am.
I think I have figured out something that has had me perplexed for quite a while now. Why have I been deserted by most of my prior friends and family ever since I was sent to that crazy mental institution? I have come to the conclusion; it is simply because of this. That I was there. After this most people I knew treated me like I was no longer capable.
I have so many examples of this. How this surprise visit, and it was a surprise, not the surprise party I was hoping for, but a sneaky surprise that has caused me a lot of grief and heart ache. When I dare to even mention this to my family they get angry with me. I am not allowed to get angry though. Because it wasn’t them who locked me away. They didn’t turn the key. Of course they did the right thing, or why else would I have been brought there? The doctors agreed. They have been totally brainwashed by this system and how to undo the damage has no easy answer. That is for sure.
What made me realize or come to this conclusion is because everyone I have met since looks at me in a much different light. I’m well liked, respected and often even loved by most people I have met since my first encounter with CAMH. And if they do happen to know what happened the reaction is always the same. How could your family do this to you?
And I am wondering if I’m crazy looking for help from my parents because I just may get very hurt one more time.
It’s only a few days until Christmas and it looks like Al, Tee and I will be spending it at the Chebucto Inn. We will not be exchanging gifts nor will we will have Christmas tree but Al just mentioned to me that all that matters is that we are together. I’m also thinking that I hope the restaurant is open too.
The food here has turned out to be quite a treat. We certainly have been eating well since we have been on the lam. We share all our meals to cut down on the costs and also because there is more than enough for three. We are well fed, warm, rested and ready to take on the new year whatever it may bring. There maybe a few more storms a brewing. On second thought we know there will be.
Dec 22, 2008
Hi Lesa
I don't see how your coming here is going to help you, How are you going to fight for your rights if your hiding. Lesa you have done nothing wrong. The only way I can see you getting out of this mess is by not hiding or running away. I promise you --you will not go back to the hospital.
When the nurse came to your place it is called a wellness visit they were not coming to put you in the hospital, you are under their care because you signed those papers. If you are so smart you will see that this can be in your favour. They are responsible!
The people at the bank are hiding! Because they have done something wrong! You have to believe me! If they wanted you in the hospital they would have done it in July.
GO Home and fight!
Love Mom
Subject: Your Birthday and Christmas Gift
Hi Lesa,
Mom said that she had heard from you yesterday and that she was going to tell if you wanted to stop by my office I would have your Birthday and Christmas gift from Mom &; Dad. Let me know if you are coming and I will have it with me.
Also Mom mentioned that you are upset with me for speaking to Karen on your behalf. First you need to know I am not going behind your back with this, I am trying to help and to be a voice for you since you won’t speak to Karen yourself. The sole purpose of Karen and the office she works for is to protect your finances, the bank was going to be presenting it’s case to Karen’s office last week or this week on foreclosing on your property. Karen is trying desperately on your behalf to stop that from happening because she wants the sale of the property to go through their offices so that they can try and get you fair market value for it and it is their jobs to help you get back on your feet financially.
I know that you don’t believe this to be true but it is. I also spoke to Karen and they did have some people go over to your house a few weeks ago to check up on you, it’s there duty to do this; they call it a “wellness check”. I told Karen that you do not want to go back to the hospital and that you do not want to be treated for your bi-polar, where I strongly disagree with this I now understand that this is your right and if it is what you choose then we have to respect that. I will ask Karen to please not send anyone over to your apartment again. There is absolutely then no reason why you can not go back and live in your apartment until the house is sold and that can still take months, why do you feel you need to hide out on the streets, that makes no sense to me, going to live at Mom and Dad’s is not an option, surely you can understand why that can’t happen. You need to take care of things here, you can’t run away from this you need to let the people who want to help you out help you.
Please think about this Lesa, I am begging you.
Love Janet
Hi Janet
DO NOT EXCEPT ME ANY TIME SOON!
Also Mom mentioned that you are upset with me for speaking to Karen on your behalf.
YES I AM EXTREMELY UPSET WITH YOU. WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT? I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU WHAT I WAS DOING. GET OUT OF MY BUSINESS NOW. AND WHY DID YOU ONCE AGAIN GET MOM AND DAD INVOLVED! I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT THEIR STRESS LEVEL BUT OBVIOUSLY THIS IS NOT THE CASE.
First you need to know I am not going behind your back with this.
THEN WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THIS?
I am trying to help and to be a voice for you since you won't speak to Karen yourself.
I DO HAPPEN TO HAVE MY OWN VOICE AND YOU HAVE BEEN ABSOLUTELY NO HELP. KAREN IS WELL AWARE I AM LOOKING FOR A LAWYER TO SPEAK FOR ME. LOOK AT ALL THE PROBLEMS YOU ARE CAUSING. GOOD GRIEF WHEN WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP THIS INSANITY.
The sole purpose of Karen and the office she works for is to protect your finances, the bank was going to be presenting it's case to Karen's office last week or this week on foreclosing on your property.
DO YOU KNOW WHY I AM IN THIS PREDICAMENT? NO... YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME. NO YOU JUST ASSUME YOU KNOW ALL THE CIRCUMSTANCES. I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW.
Karen is trying desperately on your behalf to stop that from happening because she wants the sale of the property to go through their offices so that they can try and get you fair market value for it and it is their jobs to help you get back on your feet financially.
WHAT GIVES THEM THE RIGHT TO SELL MY HOME? OF COURSE THEY WANT TO SELL MY HOME. THEY MAKE MONEY ON IT. I DON'T WANT TO SELL MY HOME. I HAVE ALL MY INCOME INVESTED IN IT AND NOW BECAUSE OF ALL THIS INTERFERENCE LOOK WHAT HAS HAPPENED. OF COURSE YOU CAN'T EVEN BOTHER TO LOOK AT THE FACTS. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME IS BEYOND UNFAIR. AND YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THAT.
I know that you don't believe this to be true but it is. I also spoke to Karen and they did have some people go over to your house a few weeks ago to check up on you, it's there duty to do this; they call it a "wellness check".
YES, A WELLNESS CHECK. THAT'S WHY THEY NEED 3 POLICE OFFICERS, A TASER AND FLASHLIGHTS. MY GOD JANET, YOU ARE SO NAIVE. YOU ARE JUST ANOTHER COG IN THEIR WHEEL JUST LIKE KAREN IS. I TOLD HER THIS. DID SHE RELAY THIS CONVERSATION TO YOU?
I told Karen that you do not want to go back to the hospital and that you do not want to be treated for your bi-polar, where I strongly disagree with
I AM SO SICK OF THIS BULLSHIT. HOW DARE YOU DETERMINE MY MENTAL STATE ... PERHAPS YOU NEED A TRIP TO CAMH TO UNDERSTAND WHAT GOES ON THERE. PERHAPS YOU SHOULD DO SOME RESEARCH BEFORE YOU MAKE YOUR OPINIONS? JUST TYPE Psychiatry: An Industry of Death IN GOOGLE AND DON'T FORGET TO WATCH THE MOVIE. PERHAPS THIS WILL LEAD YOU TO THE TRUTH OF PSYCHIATRY. DO SOME REAL RESEARCH IF YOU WANT TO START MAKING DIAGNOSIS!
This I now understand it is your right and if it is what you chose then we have to respect that, I will ask Karen to please not send anyone over to your apartment again.
AS IF YOU HAVE ANY CONTROL. REALLY JANET, YOU ARE NAIVE. OR DID YOU HAVE THEM COME IN THE FIRST PLACE?
There is absolutely then no reason why you can not go back and live in your apartment until the house is sold .
SEE ABOVE
and that can still take months,
WHO SAYS I AM SELLING MY HOUSE. WHO GIVES ANYONE THE RIGHT TO SELL MY HOUSE? AND THANK YOU GUYS FOR ALL YOUR HELP WHEN THE BANK STARTED FORECLOSURE PROCEDURES AFTER TWO WEEKS OF BEING LATE ON MY MORTGAGE. AND IF KAREN IS BEING SO HELPFUL WHERE IS MY OVER $9000 INCOME TAX REFUND THAT WOULD HAVE COVERED THE MORTGAGE. THIS HOUSE IS AN INCOME PROPERTY. MY INCOME NOT THEIRS. THIS HOUSE GENERATES MONEY AND CARRIES ITSELF.
Why do you feel you need to hide out on the streets?
I AM NOT HIDING OUT ON THE STREETS. I AM GETTING AWAY FROM THIS EXTREMELY STRESSFUL SITUATION AND THINK ABOUT WHY I AM EVEN IN THIS POSITION TO BEGIN WITH. NO CAN'T DO THAT CAN YOU JANET. MAYBE THEN THE FAMILY WOULD HAVE TO FEEL SOME RESPONSIBILITY. HOWEVER YOU WOULD PREFER TO SEE ME OUT ON THE STREETS THEN DO THIS WOULDN'T YOU. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH. I STILL REMEMBER YOUR EMAIL SAYING "WELL JUST HAVE YOUR HOUSE FORECLOSED ON. PEOPLE DO IT ALL THE TIME." I HOPE ONE DAY YOU FIND OUT WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE. PERHAPS THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND.
That makes no sense to me, going to live at Mom and Dad's is not an option.
WHY IS THIS NOT AN OPTION? HOW HURTFUL CAN MY FAMILY BE THAT THEY WOULD PREFER TO SEE US LIVING ON THE STREETS THEN EVEN USE A HOME THAT IS AVAILABLE? THIS IS JUST AMAZING. THIS ONE REALLY TAKES THE CAKE ON CRUELTY.
I HAVE RENTED OUT OUR HOME IN ORDER TO BE ABLE TO GET THROUGH THIS MESS. I WAS PLANNING ON RENTING ALL OF IT OUT SO WE COULD SURVIVE. BUT OF COURSE YOU GUYS ARE SO SMART AND ARE LOOKING AFTER MY RIGHTS AND WELL BEING THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT THAT MY HOUSE IS WORTH MORE RENTED OUT THEN BEING SOLD OFF IN SOME AUCTION. YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE HOW INSANE IT IS THAT MY FINANCIAL AFFAIRS SHOULD BE LOOKED AFTER BY SOME FUCKING ORGANIZATION THAT MAKES A PROFIT FROM IT. NOT TO MENTION ALL THE PEOPLE THAT GET TO KEEP THEIR JOBS. MY CREDIT RATING WAS PERFECT BEFORE THIS INSANITY STARTED.
Surely you can understand why that can't happen. You need to take care of things here; you can't run away from this you need to let the people who want to help you out help you.
WHY DO I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF THINGS THERE? I WILL TAKE CARE OF THINGS WHERE EVER I CHOOSE TO. THIS IS NOT YOUR CHOICE TO MAKE.
WANT TO HELP. REALLY LOOK AT ALL THE HELP I HAVE GOTTEN. THINK BACK ... COULDN'T EVEN GET A TWO DAY LOAN FROM MY FAMILY AND PLEASE DON'T TELL ME NO ONE HAD THE RESOURCES AND EVERYONE KNEW I WAS GOOD FOR THE MONEY.
Please think about this Lesa, I am begging you.
I AM BEGGING YOU TO GET OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER. ONE DAY YOU WILL REALIZE JUST EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE DONE AND I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU. IT ISN'T EASY LIVING WITH THAT KIND OF GUILT.
Lesa
Lesa
I have to tell you that we as a family have always been together in trying to help. According to you we have not done a very good job. From the very beginning it has had to be all your way! You would not listen to any of us. I know you are upset. DO you not realize how often you have hurt us not just me but Carol, Janet, and Diane? YES we have made mistakes but how can only you be right and we are never right. That is not fair!
I have to keep reminding myself, that you have bipolar disorder and you can not help it that you see things differently.
It is your choice not to take medication. So you have to take the consequences.
They are very difficult consequences as it seems like you are alienating your whole family. It is our choice to not let you break this family up. We have no secrets from each other as we all need the support from each other.
Every time you want to do something and we disagree you get angry. I can not deal with this anger it frightens me. That is one reason why I don't think it would be a good idea for you to stay here. Every time we have a fight I get so depressed. It is Christmas and I will find no joy.
I will pray to God that you find a way to find some peace.
You have a home you do not need to be on the streets that is your decision. Do not make us feel guilty.
If you did not pay your mortgage they will foreclose but it takes time, so you have time to find a place to live. You can't leave all your belongings there and just walk.
You might find this hard to understand but we do all love you.
If you want to give me something for Christmas let it be that you have gone back to your house, and you have got in touch with Karen and she will help you.
Love Mom
Obviously Mom, you have not listened to one word I have ever said. Thanks for all your help. According to everyone I know my family has not done a good job. Perhaps you should go over the past and recall how my family has helped me.
Threw me in a mental institution
Kicked me out of their homes
Treated me like I was a drunk
and now I am not even welcome in my parents own home!!!
This is just some of the ways my family has helped. You are allowed to be angry but I am not.
Everyone goes behind my back and has put me in this position. Think about why I am in this position. If you can be honest with yourself that is.
You are not my family. You couldn't possibly be. Families are supposed to love and support each other not do the above. You are also judgmental. Not one word of your email makes any sense to me.
I am deeply, deeply hurt. But I'm not allowed to be according to my family. Nor am I allowed to be angry. This means I am bi-polar right.
How many times do I have to get hurt by my family?
Don't jump off the balcony, Mom. Who was the one who couldn't listen? I can't say one word in my defence but everyone is allowed to say all the lies and exaggerations they want about me. Do you recall that meeting at CAMH, when my so supportive sister said all that bullshit about me? This is why I am here now. Did you check out the information I sent you. I doubt it because maybe then you would all have to admit you are wrong. I am sure you deleted it just like so many of my emails before even reading them. Have you pieced together want is going on. No, you just see things the way you want to see them.
And tell me exactly how I have hurt you, Janet, Diane or Carol. Tell me exactly because I recall being nothing but good to all of them all my life and forgiving them over and over again for the way they have treated me.
My family has alienated themselves from me and you are blaming me.
THINK ABOUT IT.
I do not want to hear another word from anyone. I do not need any more of your help. My family has done nothing but interfered and caused me a lot of pain.
When it comes to my life Mom I am the only one who can make the decisions. Not anyone of my sisters, or my parents. I do not make decisions for anyone of you what gives you the right to make decisions for me?
Perhaps it's not "fair" to be always right but I am. When it comes to my life I am.
This will be last contact with you. I can not bear anymore of this pain.
Thank You
and a Merry Christmas to you too.
One day you might be your self again and you will understand what I am trying to say to.
Try and remember the good things.
You are the one that is alienating your self from us.
You probably won't read this but in case you do.
WE will never be far away from you. I will always remember what a sweet wonderful daughter you were until now.
I will pray every night that you will be that girl again.
Love Mom
I will always remember what a wonderful Mother you were until now.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TO
Please stop hurting me
Dear Sir/Madam
My husband and I are looking for immediate short term rental arrangements (3/4 months). We are in from Toronto and are working on a project. Your listing may suit us. Would you please call either Al or Lesa. We are staying at the Chebucto Inn
453-4339 room 32
Looking forward to hearing you. Seasons Greetings. Lesa and Al
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