Monday July 2, 2007 (holy(?)day)
I hope this will become a holy day for me. I think it is about time my bad luck has run out. But I must always remember we are where we are for a reason. I can either fight it tooth and nail in my head or I can go with the flow and see what I can get done while waiting.
Yesterday, I certainly got a lot done and I was a very good girl. There is no need to waste my fight on this system right now. I will have forever to fight the good (God) fight.
Can you believe it cost the tax payers, I have just found out, $2000 a day to keep each one of us here and this joint does not even supply us with coffee in the morning.
Guess I have been inadvertently taking that instant crap from someone who probably really needs it. Sugar is also locked up unless you ask the cook to replenish the tiny little styrofoam cup before they leave. After they leave they have to lock up all the food.
Every time you ask a question as to why the answer is “because someone may hurt themselves”. This is the funniest thing I have every heard. What will I choke myself on some saran wrap? That one is on the top or our list of STUPID RULES in here. Why are we not allowed to have saran wrap!!!
Now this is what I get for your $2000 a day = $14,000 a week = $104,000 X 7 = $ 338,000 a year… if you are so lucky to make this kind of money. If so I would worry that you are one of the brainwashed people or worse.
One thin sheet – one very thin top cotton blanket (if you can call it this) not to mention we have to make our own beds. If I were to spend this type of money at a hotel, I would at least expect to have my bed made for me.
Breakfast consists of the tiniest portion of oatmeal, thin sliced white and brown bread and occasionally we get a treat, such as a muffin or baget. Butter is treated like gold around here. Juice comes in tiny little weenie plastic containers. There is fruit on the table (unwashed). We have to take it to the bathroom to wash it. And of course there are never enough bananas because they have been proven to help with depression I suspect.
$2000 a day and there are two small televisions. One in the main common area. I don’t enjoy watching it because it is so far away.
Yeah. I can go for a ten minute smoke break.
I’m outside. It is chilly but no where near as chilly as it was inside yesterday and the last few days. They certainly do not waste money on air conditioning. I looked up at an air vent and it was filled with fungus (very not dangerous I assume).
It is strange how most “clients” here are always so tired they mostly sleep their lives away. I am surprised that more of them don’t use that thin little sheet to hang themselves.
Oh, do I have lots of suspicions, but I will not jump the gun each time. I have a strong suspicion that what the world will find out will shock the pants out of them.
I guess I can go on and on and on and on about what we don’t get here. But instead I will tell you what we do get here …
“Get your money for nothing … Get your drugs for free”
Drugs and needles and tests after tests. The same ones over and over and if that doesn’t kill you there is always ECT and a host of other drugs that you can take or are forced to take.
But I must praise the nurses. The angels that are here, because they have learnt to put up and shut up about the rules. They have learnt to not do so will only cause their demise. And what good would they be to us then.
Thank you God for angels.
One of my nurses saved me a bit of instant coffee. I have told her many times she was a sweetheart. She is also concerned for me that I don’t get in any more “trouble”. I was late getting back. I wonder if this is put in my file. How I am so curious to see my file!
I have so many things to tell. I could be writing until the cows come home (wouldn’t it be nice to live on a farm.) So once again I will only write what occurred yesterday and at one point in my life I will get to the really good parts.
I worked on my poster of fear yesterday. It should be done today. But this has given me an idea. From now on I will keep some scissors (that is if I am allowed to) with me and cut out all the little snippets of FEAR we are fed and put them into my beautiful Art Journal and make something out of nothing. I have been told I am good at this.
Anyway the good news. I have been refusing the bi-polar meds, anti psychotics (really I need an anti-psychotic).
Just remembered I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow with Dr. Arani. How I hope I can see him. But I am very doubtful that I will get any privileges in time. I feel like I must talk to him soon. I must tell him what has been going on. Maybe he can help me… help me try and save this world.
I wonder how you become a shaman or whatever women are called. This is what I would like to study. My astrologer said that this would be a very good year for me to go to school. At first I questioned this. But the things I have questioned I have found out to be the things that need no questioning. So far those astrologers have been batting 100%.
So it looks like I will meet someone through some activity?
Maybe I can find a reasonably priced, very large old and decrepit house to buy and have my dream back once again of having a place where woman can meet, scrapbook, a safe haven. That was my first dream when Doug and I broke up.
Well I feel like I won a few battles yesterday by telling some truths and by giving a few ultimatums.
My mother is and I know has always been on my side. Perhaps she has finally learnt to trust me? After sending off my VOICE to my family… hopefully the truth will set them free.
I will include this email in this journal. Because despite it being hurtful to a few people it is not up to me to worry about their feelings. This is treating them poorly.
Today I will get some paper (another thing treated like gold around here) and print out all my recent notes and emails that may be helpful to my cause. I don’t know where these ideas come from? Well I do. I am being directed by God. So if you think I’m acting smart just realize I am only one mini, tiny, micro, little spec in this whole thing and that God looks after every detail of absolutely everything and non-thing. Quite a remarkable woman you must agree.
I guess I have written enough for one day. Time to go back to another love.
His name is Art.
What to be grateful for today – My friend Art.
Bi-polar person of the day – God… she is my saviour… she will show me the way.