Thursday, January 13, 2011

December 8, 2007 EMOTIONAL DEFENCE

December 8, 2007

Dear Al,
Well now is officially two weeks that we have been apart.  Got a letter in the mail saying that you would be arrested if you do not show up for your next probation meeting?  Made me laugh.  How crazy this system is.

Here you are in jail and they still expect you to make your next probation meeting, and really I have little faith in the system that you won’t get arrested for this also.

I was talking to a nice young woman, who is also just looking to help someone.  She has been down that sad and sorry world of our social system so she understands fully the detrimental effects of it.  Anyway, I have her email and perhaps we can exchange some stories.

Listen to this one.  She is trying to bail out yet another young woman who has gotten shafted by the system.  This woman missed a probation meeting, got picked up and was sent to jail.  While she was in jail investigators were looking for her because they suspected her for murder.  Even though she was in jail at the time of the murder this didn’t rule her out.  And just to add another hurdle to her situation, it seems her records are incorrect and has crimes and convictions associated with her name.  Now it is up to her to clear her name, of course at her expense.

I must say I was flabbergasted to see exactly how much information there is to see on each and every one of us for the sake of convenience to anyone who is willing to pay a small fee.  Just type in your name and there will be a list of charges, convictions, of course no details, on the internet.   No where do I see if the charges were dropped, or what exactly what the charges are about. 

Now dear Al, you have fraud along with your other charge.  Doesn’t matter if you are guilty or not.  Doesn’t matter that the fraud charge was for selling a few dvd’s in order to keep ourselves afloat while we are trying to help humanity.  No distinction between Conrad Black and you.  All it says is fraud. 

Not to mention the sexual assault charge made by your drug addicted ex girlfriend.  Wish you would have told me this one.  I know you too well to even suspect that this was nothing but retaliation because you were leaving her.  Please trust me to know that there would never be a single doubt in my head why this one happened. 

And yes you are right.  Some people are lost causes and do not deserve our compassion.  She is one.

Anyway pirated dvd’s are now the number one crime.  Let’s not look at Bush lying about weapons of mass destruction, and all the torment and deaths this one caused.  And now he is trying it again with Iran

No he just keeps on being President of the USA.  No one even dares impeach him. 

And what about all the crimes corporations are allowed to get away with?

Well Rick,

It has been quite a few days of seeing ... and trying to bring my feelings under control. We all know there are many injustices in the world. Trying to bring these to the forefront without help I know is not the answer.

You asked me to be specific in my questions. I have been dealing with problems emotionally. Another crime.

QUESTION # 1 - What is the best way to deal this?

By this, I presume that you are speaking of emotion vs. logical thought? Simple. Emotion holds no logic. No logic, no movement forward. No movement forward, no problems solved. The how of it...different for all. I find it helpful to crease of a sheet of paper so that it is divided horizontally. On the left hand side I write the problems. On the right the solutions. That way you can get outside of your head and see more clearly how things are...

Al should be out of jail this Monday or Tuesday. He has a lawyer and is trying to make the best of time while in there.

You never did say what crime Al was charged with. Nor have you mentioned if he has been properly represented in court and been found guilty or not. Please expand.

I never did know how to spell abated. Thanks. The system, the system, always the system. You are not required to trust it to make it work for you. All you have to do is to become familiar with the mechanics. That is not to say that you'll find justice in the courts. It only means that you will have a better chance of success if you have a better understanding of procedure and the law.

Just got a letter saying there will be a warrant for his arrest if he does not visit his probation officer within the next 5 working days (December 4th . . warrant sent). Because he missed his last probation visit while he was in jail! Go figure this one out!!

"This one", as you say, is simple. If you miss a date a PO while under formal probation, there will be a bench warrant issued.  Have Al report in to probation and bring a copy of his release documents from jail to present to his PO.

Really, he is in jail and his probation office does not know it.

It doesn't surprise me a bit. Different departments have little communication with the others. No reason to whine, it's just the way it is.


If, by getting the system involved you mean, suing the system for some perceived injustice. Did you ever hear the saying "You can't sue city hall? Lesa, you can sue anyone you'd like but get a grip. It's not like Al wasn't Guilty of something is it? That he fell though the crack. Which he may have done... it's just the luck of the draw without some form of formal representation. I am presuming, perhaps incorrectly that Al had no formal... attorney...representation. If that IS true, why didn't you consult and ask for a public defender to represent Al? Again Lesa; no representation = no representation. Little of no knowledge of procedure will gain you nothing. You can bitch for as long and as hard as you'd like. All of your complaints will fall on deaf ears if you don't know how to approach the "system" as you so call it.

Would the system like to help you? Lesa it has nothing to do with like. According to the US Constitution, the law states that if your case goes before the bench then according to you plead... guilty,  or nolo contendre... no contest or admission of guilt but still subject to the opinion of the court or not guilty… where a court date for pre-trial hearing is set.. No matter what or which, in all cases you have the right to representation; if you cannot afford an attorney one will be provided at no cost to you (a public defender) and there are good ones out there, a speedy trial and your choice of being tried before a judge or a jury of your peers. That's it. No more and no less.

I encountered another woman in this situation. Listen to this, the women she is trying to help is someone she believes in and who is trying to make a better life for her and her children. This women she is trying to help is now under investigation for a murder ... this murder had been committed during the time she was incarcerated because she failed to show up for a meeting with her probation officer. She missed the meeting and was arrested.

If she was in custody at the time of the murder, if there is no evidence for her arrest, her attorney, will if hired or appointed provide a simple release document to the district attorney whose job it is to determine whether there is enough evidence to move forward and schedule this woman's appearance in court. If there is no compelling evidence the DA will simply drop the charges and send everyone home. If she was in custody at the time she was scheduled to meet her PO a bench warrant would have been issued and if arrested, been guilty of violating the terms of her probation. If she was out on the streets at the time when she was arrested, a warrant would be issued and if caught, she would be put in jail until she requested the assistance of proper representation. Remember it is logic and a simple knowledge of how things work, not emotion that will allow the system to work for you. Simple... end of story.

This women that is trying to bail her out found that her own personnel legal records (strewn all over the internet for anyone's judgement ... this one make my blood boil) are false and it shows that she has committed crimes. Now it is up to her to prove that these records are not true.

Everyone is innocent I don't believe it is true. Either way, what business is it of yours? Don't you have enough on your plate with Al?

Lesa, it seems that you have a peculiar circle of friends all of which have legal problems and all of which are innocent but being harassed without cause. Without becoming more deeply involved and my participation in your legal problems will end with this note. I believe that you are either without the pertinent facts or only supplying me information that would imply innocence of all wrong doing and abuse through court negligence or simple harassment. Personally, I believe my first assumption to be correct.

I am trying not to act on emotion. It is very difficult to do. I am looking for people who would like to help. I am a middle aged bipolar (for whatever that means, we do don’t fit into society well is my guess), and if I wasn’t an alcoholic before this, I will become one soon, just an ordinary person who would like to see some justice in this world.

You are allowed to pursue whatever course of action that you feel is right. I think that world hunger should be erased but it's not going to happen.


Am I willing to help? Lesa, I have just helped you.

Once again you have a choice to follow whatever course of action that you have a mind to even if you chose the part of Don Quixote and swing swords at wind mills for the rest of your life.

In conclusion and my confusion based on the information that you have provided, I suspect that the following is true.

1. Al has been tried and convicted of a previous offense that resulted in the courts decision for Al to be on formal probation. If you feel that the verdict in the trial was without foundation then consult the public defender of the court.

2. If Al is being held because the court believes him to be a flight risk no bail will be offered.

3. If bail is an option; your earlier correspondence stated that you or someone over which you had some influence originally decided to make bail for some other guy rather than Al but now you want to change that decision...obviously a choice that was clearly made. If the other man has been released from custody by virtue of the bail that was posted on his behalf by you or one of your confederates and you are without the funds or real estate of value to offer the bail bondsman for Al's release, Al will stay in jail.

4. You have stated today that Al will be released by some means on Monday or Tuesday coming. If Al has been wrongly charged with a crime I strongly suggest that you contact the public defender's office, armed with the necessary documents and facts to make a logical presentation proving that Al has been wronged. Based upon what you have told me, I doubt that is true.

If Al is guilty, and you are without the funds to mount a defense, I strongly suggest that you make an appointment with the public defender's office to present the facts as you know them to be. If you mislead your attorney, you are a fool. Remember it is your constitutional right to have representation (you don't have shit going for you without it)

With that I wish you luck and rest my case. Good luck in what ever logical choices that you make.

Oh, one more thing unrelated to this legal stuff.

In my not so humble opinion, you have in the past harassed the people in the Bipolar group for putting their faith in medicine. I think that you do this to vent your frustration with the legal system while under the emotional stress. As you know, I do not think that the insurance system is fair nor do I believe that all doctors are qualified to heal and that many have forgotten the mandate of the Hippocratic oath that they swore, which is first to do no harm to their patients.

However this does not give you the right to try to impose your will upon the bipolar masses as many ARE without hope and very afraid of the worse that can happen to them. You have No CAUSE to harass them for holding on to whatever small hopes that they may have.

If you continue in this behaviour, I will, without question, bury you with fact supporting an opposing position. Lesa, please do us both a favour. Please spend your time in a constructive rather than in a destructive manner. Please try to find some help for these folks; medicine related or holistic rather than trying so hard to take what little hope they have away. You feel that you have been wrong and seek justice. They have done nothing that I can see to deserve your wrath. Now I ask you sincerely Lesa, what kind of justice is that?

So dear one that's the whole scoop as best as I can conjure... Perhaps not what you were hoping to hear but it is true to fact. I wish you health and well.

Most sincerely,


P.S. who is Dr. Robert Spitzer?

Spitzer was the original author of the DSM. If you would kindly press the button that I have left you will have Spitzer as best as I know.

P.P.S any luck with NATO

I believe my reference concerned America's cessations from the United Nations. And the Answer is no. Pity...

12/9/07 Reply

Hi Rick,

Thank you for all the time and effort you have taken even if I don't always want to hear your opinion I do respect that you know what you are talking about and I do believe you are being helpful.  However there may be a few misunderstanding.  As I made you aware, at times I am somewhat emotional (and I hope is this not a crime now a days too).  I do realize though running on emotions can be detrimental when dealing with systems that have no compassion.  How can they. 

So I you don't mind I will try as best I can not to be emotional and give you what information I have gleamed.  I have no expertise in these areas so perhaps I am sometimes led down a wrong path and if so would like to find the right one.   

Dear Tessa,

Although I can applaud your benevolent effort in your attempts to change and challenge the legal system in Canada I think that you are wasting your valuable time. If you a bound and determined to pursue this course I suggest that you find a like minded organization with which to align yourself.

Yes I agree with you. It would be a waste of my valuable time trying to "fight city hall" on my own. I am hoping through our website that perhaps we can align various organizations, not one but many, to come up with some solutions. Also a place for people to share their stories. Just knowing you are not alone can help greatly and maybe we can learn from other people's misfortunes or successes.

I certainly do not have any of the answers. But perhaps as a collective group, looking from different sides, some solutions could be found. This will be done in time.

First and foremost Al and I must get our lives together before we can think of helping others. Does not mean I will stop investigating. My father taught me that when you are down help someone. I find that this helps. I have done for the moment what I can to get Al out of jail and taking care home matters.

The Website is also being built to deal with other problems of the world but mostly we feel is a place where people can portray their God given talents, be it writing, art, poetry, culinary art, law, medicine whatever is their passion. Perhaps they can make their own careers through this. When we feel better about ourselves it helps our self esteem and we are more productive and creative. My opinion anyway. Not an expect here either. Though do a lot of reading. One interesting note, many of the people I met during my "visits" to the mental institution, were very gifted artists. I feel there is a link there? P.S. I am also an artist, dealing in different media, painting, poetry, writing, studied interior decorating, etc. I am told I am talented.

I can appreciate the fact that you may have been misdiagnosed, and probably subject to a poor regime of as prescribed psychotropic drug therapy. If you can prove gross negligence on the hospital or doctors involved, you may have a case to pursue. Were that truly the facts in the matter, I would find and hire an attorney who is both a doctor and attorney to proceed in a malpractice suit

Would a psychiatrist (can never get the spelling right on that one) telling me to go cold turkey off of medications I have been on for a year and a half be considered gross negligence? This happened to me. I did not take her advice.

Yes I believe I was misdiagnosed. But then again what is bipolar? Extreme mood swings? Don't we all have these depending on what is going on in our life or perhaps because of childhood traumas? My family dr., who has known me for years, and helped me greatly, could not believe my diagnoses. He mentioned to me that he never met anyone more able to pick themselves back up on the feet when misfortune fell my well. I have been told I am a strong individual and try to deal with what life hands me with as much humour as possible. My humour is waning now though.

The first drug I was put on was an anti psychotic (Zyprexa I think ... very, very expensive and I do not have health insurance) ... there were so many different prescriptions. When I told my Dr. I was put on this drug he told me he wouldn't give this drug to his worst enemy. In his words I would weigh 200 lbs. by the end of the year (I was 118 lbs. at the time) and would be so hungry I would eat rocks. And that's how I felt. I gained 8lbs in one week and was a bear to live with. Fighting with everyone. I very rarely get angry. But when I do I can be very vocal and unfortunately emotional. Something I must learn to keep in check.

Prior to this though I must add that my family Dr. put me on a Zyban in order to quit smoking and sleeping pills. I had not had a full night sleep for well over 6 months. I went through therapy and this did wonders for my self esteem. Therapy of course is not covered and is very expensive so I had to give it up. This along with Zyban did give me a lot of energy (this made my family wonder). I stopped smoking even though I had recently gone through a break up. We were together for 25 years and he decided to leave me for his 1st girlfriend. Anyway, in a space of 1 year I lost my house, job, dog, neighbourhood I loved, all our retirement income. I was 43 years old having to start all over. I think depression under these circumstances is normal. Anyway I pulled through with flying colours. I was never so happy in my life after the initial year of hurdles. I had a wonderful 3 - 4 years and loved being independent and looking after myself.

Then I was brought to the hospital unaware. Anyway there is a lot that happened during the next 1 1/2 years. I also met many people who were very concerned about the treatment we were being given at CAMH. And all we were given were pills and also some various courses, i.e. art therapy, exercise, writing course, spirituality (I found these courses helpful ... but then I enjoy learning)

I have some of this information documented by way of my journal (which I kept until I fell into despair during my time on medications),,, whether it was the medication .. or the diagnosis that brought on the despair I can not say for certain. I do know that once I stopped taking the medication my mood lifted greatly. Perhaps because I was now doing something for myself?

I don't want to impose on you. If you are interested I will gather my information in a more cohesive package? Journaling helped me very much also.

In regard to Al's misfortune. His getting caught in a Flea Market selling bootleg copies of copy written material, regardless of you personal opinions of what should or should not be a crime, is in fact a crime punishable by time in jail, a fine or possible probation.

I only hope the punishment fits the crime. That is the scary part.

I don't think that there was any doubt in Al's mind that he was doing something considered by the law to be illegal. You play the game; you take the chance to pay the price.

Yes you are right about the bootleg copies. A chance we should not have taken. One he took because we had drained all our finances into this website. Down to our last pennies and no food on the table. We are awaiting money from various institutions but this has taken longer then anticipated and we realize we need to start making some money with the website. We were hoping to do this as a public service (money corrupts) but now understand that if we are to survive we will have to have a way of making money from it. We have other ways of making income. Al is also somewhat of an artist, photographer, estimator, and does silk screening, among other skills. We were hoping to make money with our real estate investment. Anyway, these are things Al and I need to look over carefully.

We do own a house (rental property). So we at least have some assets.

That he was in the wrong stairwell at the wrong time smoking or selling pot; although probably a minor offense in Canada, is a punishable crime as well. Perhaps the punishment exceeds the seriousness of the infraction. I don't know but I do know that you are never going to change it. Please refer back to my opening statement regarding benevolence.

You misunderstood me here. He was neither selling marijuana nor was he smoking it. He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time and when the cop questioned him he used his right of the 5th amendment. Something I have looked into and this is what he should have done according to the law. The police officer decided to be a bully and arrested him. So now it will the police officers word against his. However Al's lawyer does not feel this charge is chargeable (or whatever the legal jargon is)

That you have stated that you have no interest in learning about the system that you seem to abhor nor any interest in the laws that the system is based upon show me that you have very little comprehension as to how things work and how change must be approached if the will of the people is to be brought to the front of the line and their will be done.

I definitely have interest in learning about the system?? I have been researching night after night. Yes, after seeing what I have seen I am not too enamored with it. Nor am I the only one. Did you have a chance to looking over the attachment I sent you? Some of this has been confirmed to me by people who work in the justice system. You are right when saying that I have little comprehension. I have only been involved with this for the last two weeks. I had no idea of the injustices before this.. well a little ... but until it happens to you.

As to your references to the internet. On one hand you paint it as an unethical, unsound, biased mechanism that hold the records and allows the abuse of all. You are correct that the internet has no personality.

Mistakes are certainly made as people are only human. If the information contained in a public record is incorrect than the person in question does have the problem of setting the record straight. And yes, I do agree that we are guilty until which point we are proven innocent. Well at least some of the time that is true.

I see we do agree on some things (lol). However where are our rights to privacy? It seems rights are only there for people who have money to pay for them. Sorry for being cynical.

Then relative to Manic Depression and the News group, you contradict your beliefs citing the uselessness of the "out to get you" internet and the falsities it holds. On one hand you find it full of mis information. Then when it suits your fancy, you seem to recite chapter and verse information that is supposedly available from reliable sources on the net. While never supplying a source.

I will be happy to forward you the information that I have found. It this is false information and you have something to unsubstantiated it would be helpful for me to know. The internet in my opinion has its pros and cons. At least it is more unbiased than the crap we are fed by television. When I see something that is facts based driven I tend to think this person knows what they are talking about. 
If you want to play a game and try to have it both ways, you are certainly allowed your folly. I do hope at some point in life you come back to reality and see your musings for what they are. A bad case of getting caught up in your own bull shit.

Yes I know ... guilty until proven innocent. I guess I can sit here like the many sheep and just go along with what society tells us to do, whether it is helpful to humans, or I can take a chance and be ridiculed. I am taking a chance. Trust me this is no game. My character is in question. What exactly will I win personally ... other than to have a good night sleep?

At the end of the day you once again ask me to cite a reference to a magic pill... for the last time Lesa, there is no magic pill.

Didn’t think so ... but there has got to be better way of treating mental illness. This still so called incurable disease. So little is know about the human mind. Perhaps a combination of things. Perhaps more compassion for one thing. If I have upset people I am deeply sorry for that. It was never my intent. My intent is to find solutions through some process where we are all not fighting each other. I am not looking at a lawsuit but if that is the way to get things out in the open perhaps I should?

However I challenge you to provide any objective reference at all to support your musings on the groups.

Ok I will take you challenge (lol) you asked for it.

Opinions. No matter how loudly shouted are just opinions NOT fact. I have a huge ego. I think you would agree.

Yes I do and in order to get anywhere you need one.

However when push comes to shove I can back up what I say.

Please do ... my desire is to find out the truth. If we don't have that then it will all be for not.

You won't like this part but I think it is about time you get over yourself and start contributing to the groups in matters of fact rather than you opinion and conjecture.

It will not be the first time I have been wrong. I can live with that. How else are we to learn if not by our mistakes?

Thank you for the opportunity to have allowed me address these issues, I do believe that received correctly that they may provide some insight that you could use to reclaim your mental health. 
See you later Tessa.

Yes .. if we do not have our mental health there is not much we can count on.  Exactly how do you define mental health anyway? 
Best regards,

and best regards to you to

Hi Lesa,

Just wondering how your weekend was. Carol told me she stopped by and brought T-Poo back home. I bet you were glad to have him back. I had a pretty busy weekend, Kyle spent most of it with us, she is a great little helper, she helped with decorating the tree, making Christmas cookies and even did the chores with me, it’s nice to have her around to help with the Christmas stuff, keeps my mind off of missing Amanda so much.

Well let me know how things are going.


Hi Janet,
Well the worst part right now is the wait. Not sure if I will see Al today or tomorrow ... or who knows in the crazy world what can happen. So I am trying to keep my mind off of things.

Think I have been alone too much. I should be happy. But I am worried to be happy in case I get disappointed again.

Have just been cleaning and trying to figure our financial stuff and get finances in order (not an easy feat). They just turned off our TV. Well as long as we have heat.

Also to keep busy have been investigating our illegal system. What a mess. Also mental health system and pharmaceuticals in particular. No one wants to listen, I know. We all have enough of our own problems. So I will say no more.

I am in touch with a professional regarding mental health issues through email. He is an advocate for mental health issues and has suffered greatly from bipolar and knows others in the industry. There is no easy answer that is for sure. I must say he is not easy to deal with but he does make me think and keeps me occupied.

At least I am sleeping. No wonder this is so much depression in the world.

Anyway just needed to bitch. Thanks for listening.

Enjoy everything you can.

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