Saturday, January 8, 2011

January 15, 2009 FEAR

From The Universe
Thu, Jan 15, 2009 at 3:15 AM
See through the fog that tells others nothing matters, nothing is happening, and it does no good.
They realize not, Lesa, that every second of history... was optional.
Burning down the house,
The Universe

A prefect message for me once again from the Universe. I woke up at five a.m. this morning feeling refreshed. Yesterday was a difficult day for me. I was beginning to lose hope. We now have 10 days left here and one $500 money order left. I have not heard from Janet regarding the money that Mom and Dad have left her in control of and that she said would be sent to me? Nor have I heard from Carol regarding the money she owes me. I sent off an email to them which has not been replied to yet? I was feeling distress yesterday and fear. I was worried that I will not be able to finish this book and send it off and that Al, Tee and I will be homeless shortly without one person in this whole wide world to help us.

It has been difficult for me, going through the past. It brings up many emotions, and a lot of anger. It brings up fear. And I know that this is the tool of the “devil”. And I know that in my case fear comes from the worry of being abandoned, penniless, a bag lady. This is the tool that the devil uses on me. Oh how the devil wants me to beg for social assistance. Then this “devil” will have control of me.

And the difficult thing to comprehend for me is that the people who are placing me in this position are the ones I am suppose to trust, the ones who think they are doing this out of love and concern. They are doing this trying to save me. And I read over my journals and I see just how far this has come. Just how brainwashed so many people are, actually believing they are doing what is right. But I have come to learn that what is right in this upside down world is often wrong. And I have learnt through this crazy ordeal that only we have the power to “burn down the house”.   It is up to us to say enough is enough. And it could be such an easy, simple thing to do. All we have to do is say “I am mad as hell, and I am not going to take this anymore”. And then we walk away and stop feeding this devil. That is all we have to do. Stop complying and going along with this tyranny. Take responsibility for allowing this to happen and being compliant with it.

I am now taking responsibility for what has transpired in my life. I must do this in order to get my power back. I should have walked away from my family a long time ago. I allowed them to put me in this position. We create our own world. Whenever I begin to doubt in my higher power, and lose the feeling that I am in control, I suffer the consequences, in my mind.

Whenever I look to someone else to save me, I have lost my control. As Al, so often tells me, “We have not come this far for it to all fall apart. Keep the faith.” My life has been filled with proof and for the most part I have faith. When I am tired and do not look after my peace of mind I suffer the consequences, in my mind.

I woke up very early yesterday, without enough sleep.  I have been determined to finish this book before we have to leave our little haven. I do not want to leave here. It is a perfect set up for us. We have everything we need here in order to finish this project and it is very comfortable, with very little interference. But there are other plans for us and I must trust in my Higher Power. The day before I also woke up early and the day before, and the day before. I have been working on this book most waking hours and not giving myself a break. I have gone through countless emails and my life, through my journals, and have been reliving much of it. I am only half way through and I am starting to feel rushed. I am not trusting in myself to be able to do it. When I lose trust in myself, I lose my power.

Yesterday, I was even angry with Al. When I woke up he was still up and had drunk most of my white wine. The bottle of wine I had been saving in order to relax the next day. I was worried about money and I was reacting like this would be my last bottle of wine ever. I was giving up hope and blaming Al on the difficult day I was foreseeing. Now I see I was blaming Al, who is the most considerate person to me that I have ever met, on my discomfort.

It was an important lesson for me. And as you are aware, I look for signs in order to guide me. I look for the teachers. That evening Al had stumbled on a video of David Icke that we had not seen. He insisted that I get some rest and put on this video for me. For some reason David Icke, speaking the truth about all the conspiracies in this world, relaxes me. The truth does set my mind free.

It is a three part series, 5 hours in total. I lay in bed and listened intently and by the end of the day I was back to feeling my regular self, hopeful, and purposeful. The last video in the series was perfect for me. It explained to me, once again (sometimes I lose the message through fear) how we are all responsible for creating our own illusion of this world and how it is up to us to change this world. And how, it would be so easy to do, all we have to do is stop allowing it to happen. There are so many of us and so few of them. If we stop allowing the elite to take control they will run scared.

All I have to do is believe in myself. Stop giving my power away.

What to feel grateful for today:
David Icke
Watching the world awaken
Being awake
My Higher Power

January 12, 2009
Hi Lesa,
I can send you a report on your account with our office if you give me a mailing address. In the meantime the only funds that we have received to date has been $2,125.16 for your 2006 income tax return. Most of these funds have been used to pay for expenses related to 276 High Park Ave. I am not sure if we are to expect further returns. Please let me know how you are managing where you are.

Office of the Public Guardian and Trustee
595 Bay St., Suite 800
Toronto M5G 2M6
416-314-2648 fax

January 14, 2009
Hello Janet,
I am forwarding the response I got from Karen. I am guessing that this is in response to my question of what has happened to my income tax refund.

As you can see Karen is once again being very evasive and also forgets to mention the rental income from my tenants that she has received? And as you can see, what I have suspected all along is the truth. They have confiscated any income I was owed. Whether you think this is fair or not is up to your conscious. If you can not see by now why I do not trust the Guardianship it is a mystery to me.

Anyway, as you know, $1000 does not go far. I do not want to wait for the last minute again, and the worry of being left out in the street, so I am wondering what you have done with the money that Mom and Dad have so kindly offered to see us through this very unfortunate circumstance. Also I have not heard nor received anything from Carol.


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