Monday, January 3, 2011


March 8, 2009 


Help with conditions is not help. Help with conditions is a contract. Our world today seems in such a mess because people have been taught that nothing in life is free. Everything comes with conditions. We’re conditioned not to do on to other as we would like others to do on to us, but do on to others in order to get something back in return and then some.

I’m trying not to get discouraged but I have seen so seldom, in my own personal circumstances, where this hasn’t been the case. If you’ve read my story up until now I think you will understand what I mean.

We are not connected. We are divided by the haves and have nots and it will be a rare person indeed who won’t hold it over your head when they do something for you. And those rare souls are also criticized.

Anyway, I am getting sick and tired of having to live under someone’s stupid rules or contracts. Sometimes I think humanity is so corrupt and I can hardly wait until people are awakened to this fact.

Now I’m wondering how long before we are going to have to move yet again.

Woke up this morning feeling peaceful. Yesterday was Tee’s 2nd birthday and the first time this year we had some spring time weather.

I had finally finished my brief and am now ready to start calling lawyers with all my facts in order. It’s not been easy for me to admit that my own family has been one of the culprits. But once it is down in black and white it is hard to ignore the facts.

Al is nearly finished painting the entrance way, staircase and hallway. From the mess we first walked into it’s hard to believe this is the same house. There were boxes piled nearly up to the rafters and the dust was looking like it would never settle. Both Al and I have put a lot of effort into making this situation work for everyone. I have made brochures, marketing materials, movies, advertised and come up with so many ideas so that we can all generate some income

I thought our efforts were appreciated but it is beginning to look like we may have gotten locked into another contract. There has been tension over ridiculous little faux pas that Al and I are committing. Not sure exactly what Rowan is upset and frustrated about but as he clearly told me this morning he is. He has even been putting evil spells on us. Get a load of that one. Anyway after he saw how upset I was with his complaints, of which I am still oblivious to, he did show me a little kindness. I am hoping he realizes his frustrations are his problems not our faults.

My God, our rent is nearly all paid up, we have contributed our fair share to the food, I have cooked and cleaned after every meal and we have cleaned up here enough to more than compensate for the “loan” we have been given. I pray to God it is obvious enough to know that the furthest thing from our minds is looking for a free ride.

I am getting very tired of all this bullshit. I am asking my guides for guidance here and some financial help as well. Not having money stops us in so many ways. Everyone seems to take advantage of our situation. No matter what the score is when you are the underdog it never adds up in your favour.

Tomorrow I am looking for a good lawyer and I am praying that we will no longer have to live through anymore stressful situations. We have enough work to do. We don’t want or need anymore pettiness.

What to feel grateful for: how much I will appreciate having my freedom back.

March 10, 2009

Al and I had a great time last night. It has been a month since we have last been alone. Perhaps this is part of the problem with Rowan?

Since Al and I met, for some strange reason, we have been isolated from the rest of the world most of the time. To be honest with you it has never bothered me one bit. Rowan, since his wife left, has been living alone and maybe he has gotten use to it also. Right now she is visiting and they are talking over financial issues.

I’m taking this opportunity to get away from my ordeal of trying to find a lawyer to take on my case.

It’s just so convoluted, what has happened to me, I don’t know where to begin to even look or what kind of lawyer will even be able to take this on.

That it is my own family who have helped put me in this predicament makes it even more difficult and upsetting and I just want this ordeal to be over and done with. There are many unknowns. But I am getting the sinking sensation that they are responsible for a lot. They contacted the Guardian when they heard that Al and I were planning on moving to Mexico. Once again sticking their noses in my affairs, thinking they were saving me, and causing me so much grief. I am angry and I want them to understand fully just what has transpired and why.

Whether they realize it or not, they are also the preper-traitors because what is going on in this world is criminal. As my friend Josephine said to me the other day regarding my first trip to CAMH, “what happened to you was tantamount to kidnapping and being held against your will” From there the interference has gone from bad to worse.

Now I am left to try and put back the pieces and our legal system is so convoluted and corrupt trying to fight this with be a David and Goliath scenario. David won in the end and so will I.

I must believe this and I must not give up hope. The law of attraction is a fact. The other law is just a game, frustrating, and one that only very occasionally any justice gets served. It is stacked against justice (just us) and do I know about that.

Anyway, enough of this. I would prefer to think about the sky last night. We saw the eye of God. It was nearly a full moon and there was a hazy cloud that encompassed it. It truly looked like an eye and when we looked out the window there were deer feeding on the moss right out the front window.

April 1, 2009


At this moment Rowan, whose real name is Gary (the 1st lie) is re-arranging the cupboards. Perhaps I haven’t put the peas in the right place or even worse left some crumbs on the counter.

Once again, it comes to this; crumbs on the counter.

How everything fits in so perfectly and is so connected. Today I finally finished the first edit of the first part of this book. If you recall you will see that was my biggest sin then; crumbs on the counter.

Of course, once again, I realize it is not about crumbs on the counter, but hell I guess this is as good as an excuse as any in order to avoid what truly is the problem. Put the blame on us.

I will no longer defend myself. If this is my biggest sin really … it is your problem not mine. If you are so concerned with these little insignificant, trivial, mundane, bogus, artificially created realities, that have obviously led you so far from the truth, and I do mean far … then the biggest part of the problem that humanity now faces is you.

I do not blame the elite, the illumati, the new world order, or any other alien race …

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