February 4, 2009
Today I’m sitting in front of a kindling fire with Gaelic music in the background. The room I’m in is filled with floor to ceiling windows that look out to a forest and arbours with fresh fallen snow all around. I am feeling peaceful for the first time in weeks. My heart is beating a steady beat to the music. I’m weary but a good weary.
Al is shovelling another 20 cm of snow with our new friend, Rowan. Destiny brought us here. This we don’t doubt. Tee knows it too. As soon as we arrived he peed in our bedroom, marking his spot.
I now know the feeling of being homeless, penniless and ostracized by most. I know the fear of not having a roof over my head in the middle of winter.
We arrived here by the skin of our teeth. Once again just in the nick of time. We had to pawn our $5000 camera (our eyes) for $550 which paid for our cheap motel room for less than a week. We used the rest for some boxes of Kraft dinner and some sandwiches, a bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes a day. I felt some guilt about the un-necessities but they helped me cope. The fear of losing faith was what worried me the most.
No, it’s not possible that we came all this way with no way out.
I have been waking up every morning for I don’t know how long now, since before we left Salmon River Drive, with anxiety and dread of the next disappointment and feeling that no one would help us. But each day we would encounter one good soul or another and that gave me hope.
My new friend Josephine has inspired me often. Talking to her has made me even more determined to fight this fight. What has happened to us must be exposed one way or the other.
There is too much injustice in this world to just let it go. Now I know I have to bring this to the media’s attention. Also that there is safety in numbers and the more ways to get the story out the better. That is one of my missions in life. Somewhere along the line I asked for it and in order to do so I guess I had to live it first. It had to get to rock bottom in order for me to shed some light.
This is not a matter to take lightly. Widows, children and the so called mentally unstable are being swindled and violated of all their rights. We can no longer turn a blind eye. We can no longer lock away what we perceive our problems to be because one day it will be you or yours who will be treated as if you or they don’t matter.
What kind of world is this? Wasn’t the message to love thy neighbour and do on to others as you would wish others would do on to you?
I wonder what happened to those messages? They got lost with all the brainwashing advertising perhaps? Because I certainly don’t recall the message being lock them away, take away their rights, and profit from it to boot. Is that what so many in the world now think is right?
I’m also so tired of trying to defend my family. Having to beg Carol to send me the money she owed me and at one time told me she would save it for me for a rainy day was nearly too hard to bear. Well it wasn’t only raining, there was a blizzard outside and she ignored my call for help.
Having to ask a second time and having her chastise me, insinuating that I owe them for locking me away, packing up my possessions, makes me feel very heartsick. Anyway you know the story by now. But it reared its ugly head once again. Just imagine, they were doing me a favour. I am so angry I could spit.
Well yesterday I finally received the $400 which brought us here. So maybe there will be justice after all? My scrapbook business has finally paid off and also the engagement ring Doug gave me.
I know this story may not be believed but this is the truth. This ring mysteriously appeared two times in my life. I had not worn the ring in years but one day I found it sitting on top of my kitchen counter. I had always kept it in my jewellery box so how it got there is still a complete mystery to me. The second time I had no doubt. This was definitely a sign for me. When Al and I were settled in High Park and all the boxes were unpacked I looked for the ring and could not locate it anywhere. I searched for it quite a few times and had assumed it got lost while in storage. Anyway during the beginning of our financial woes it mysteriously reappeared and of all place, in my jewellery box! We thought at the time that it was a sign to sell it then to help us out of our temporarily (or so we thought) tight spot. We had it appraised and when we did not get a half decent offer we held on to it and brought it along this part of our journey.
We had been using it as a damage deposit for our last motel room but when we were totally without funds decided that we should try and pawn it. We went to a nearby pawn shop and offered $400 for a ring that was recently appraised for $4000. Trust me diamonds are not good investments, another media lie. I decided to call jewellers to see what they would offer and found one who thought it was worth $600 or so. This would buy us a little more time to try to find some shelter.
I had been emailing shared accommodations and there were a few within our extremely destitute budget. We at least would have shelter for the month. Unfortunately, when we met the jeweller that afternoon he was not interested because there was some damage to the setting. We still had the $400 offer so that would leave us with $800 and absolutely no way to get any additional funds in the short term that we could think of.
When I got back to the motel room there was an email waiting for me from hands2wood telling us that the room was still available. Great! It was listed at $400 so if this worked out we had a month to come up with something.
As I was reading his email Rowan called. We ended up chatting for quite a while. He had me howling with laughter at times. Can we see the place tomorrow I asked? There was a blizzard coming in so he advised against it.
Both Al and I woke up the next morning with the same idea. We must see Rowan today as the cost of one more night in a motel room and we may just be doomed. We needed to pawn the ring, cash the wired money order and get over there and pray that he liked us and we could stay.
I called Rowan and let him know we were willing to brave the storm and not to be alarmed when he saw us with our luggage. We were not just moving in on him. Little did he know or so we thought at the time.
So Al, Tee and I headed over to the pawn shop. When we got there the guy takes a second look at the ring and decides it is only worth $250 and does not really want it. I tell him we will take the $250 as this is a matter of us having a roof over our head. Now we have $650 plus the $60 deposit which we will need for cab fare.
We finally arrive here in the blizzard and the taxi can not make it up the long snow filled drive way. It takes Al 20 minutes to schlep all our luggage through the snow. He leaves Tee and I to get acquainted with Rowan and for the first time ever Tee pees in the house and right in front of Rowan. I feel devastated. This does not make us look good.
I have no idea how we are going to explain our predicament to Rowan. If we do not get this place we are doomed. Rowan asks me what brought us here. He hears the quiver in my voice and mentions it. So I begin to tell him our story.
Well as you can tell we are still here. The rent is now $600 as there are two of us but Rowan is kind and is allowing us to stay and takes $400 for the room in order for us not to be totally broke. We will owe him the rest. He also has some possible contacts for my legal issues and perhaps knows people who can find us some work.
Al and I just cooked a pot roast that we all enjoyed. Right now I’m sitting in front of the fire and Al and Rowan just came in from the cold after having a cigarette.
There are many things I could tell you about the four of us getting to know each other. The spot we are in and Rowan are fascinating. There is a tale unfolding here that is for certain. We are here for a reason. Why I have no idea.
I must call Josephine tomorrow and let her know that it all worked out. She has been concerned for us. She said something to me the last time we talked that made me realize that the word family does not necessarily mean who you come into the world with.
She said, after I recounted the story about Carol, “I don’t think, Lesa, that you could go all around the world and find a worse family for you to have been brought into”.
It’s sad but true. When you are so misunderstood it is time to break all ties. The world is a difficult enough place to survive in without having to battle your family as well.
But our circle of friends is growing and imagine, strangers are rooting for us and offering assistance.
Perhaps our families are not who they seem to be?
What to be grateful for:
February 5, 2009
Finally a warm cup of coffee. I’m sitting in our make shift bed, a piece of foam on the floor. It’s 8:30 a.m. and I feel very comfortable here writing in my journal. My mood feels like old times. Light and filled with possibilities. I’m well rested, safe and secure and eager to get some things accomplished today and everything seems possible.
As I was having my morning cigarette outside I saw a bus go by. If they pass by here on a regular schedule that means travelling will not be that difficult. It was a slight concern of mine and Al’s. We need to earn our keep some how and get a regular job. A full time one for Al and a part time one for me as I can not afford to work full time. I have too much work to do. Now let’s see. There is my book of course, also finding legal representation and getting my story out there. First though I have to get all my facts in order and write a few letters to doctors, lawyers, merchants, thieves and of course those Guardians, who I believe may even have authority over my medical records. Nothing would surprise me anymore.
Rowan suggests that perhaps I should find a shrink out here who will confirm that I’m sane and capable of looking after my finances. But it will probably take months and months to get an appointment and who knows how much this will cost me this time? Anyway, something to consider. This is covered by our medical insurance here in Canada. Maybe I can find one that will help me with this fight? I know that they all can’t be immoral and useless, even if they haven’t cured anyone yet, and have caused many a lot of grief and ill health. I wonder how it‘s possible to cure someone’s thoughts? Guess they may have been brainwashed too into believing they are helping.
Rowan tells us he is a genius and he is certainly knowledgeable in many areas. His IQ is supposedly off the charts and he is both equally a left and right brain thinker. One of the most interesting things about Rowan I find though is that he is a witch and I don’t mean a gay bitch. He is, he tells us, a bonafide through and through male witch in the Celtic tradition. He is very interesting and has dreams as big as ours. Well nearly. His plan is to build a self sufficient eco village.
We’ve only known him for two days and he has told us so many stories. I think it would take volumes of books just to relay them to you. His roots are from Newfoundland . That is perhaps why he has the gift of the gab. For some reason I have a feeling he is a very old soul. Maybe he was a Gandolf or Merlin in a previous life. Tee seems to know him? He did tell us that long ago he was a monk in Tibet and we do know that this is where Tee’s roots are from.
In order to finance his dream he’s currently renovating this tired old Viceroy home. Rowan has the skills of a master carpenter and this place does have good bones. There are 20’ ceilings and windows galore and it is situated in a beautiful spot perched on top of a hill. The place is huge, 3600 sq. ft. plus a bright basement. You could get lost in here. There’s lots of work to do that’s for sure before putting it on the market in order to finance his dreams. My decorating juices are going wild. And to make this even more interesting for me is that the place is filled with antique pieces and furniture he has made. There is enough for a shop or two at least. I know we can help him get this place back into the glory it should have. It definitely could be a show stopper.
With the awesome views and the natural gardens surrounding it, in the spring it must truly be breathtaking. I am dreaming of being here in the spring, sipping wine under the grape vine arbours looking up a the star filled sky, knowing winter is far behind us and there are only possibilities and every little thing is going to be all right. This earth really could be heaven after all.
The stars and the heavens above us
February 6, 2009
Plans are starting to take shape. Our computer is hooked up to the internet. Without the net I’m a little lost. Now it’s time to get to work. I checked out the job banks and there seem to be some opportunities. Of course at slave wages. But this is just a temporary course of action and something to tide us over until we have a real opportunity to do what we are meant to do.
First, I must get my lawsuit underway. I am wondering if this is part of my mission? How can I end this book if nothing is resolved?
I do know that I have no control of this. I only have control of how I feel on this journey. My self confidence though has taken a beating. This is an excellent place for me to lick my wounds and do some healing and getting back into shape, both physically and mentally.
As I said to Rowan yesterday, I get this feeling that we are here to learn. Perhaps this is stage two of our education? Last year Al and I learnt a lot of truths. We were discussing conspiracies with Rowan yesterday (something we know without a shadow of a doubt are mainly about truth) and his take on it perhaps does make sense? There is no use dwelling on something that you can do nothing about. You can only change yourself, and certainly not the government, or the (dis)justice system, as two examples. Our systems are so con part mental ized and I am sure 99.9999 % of the population are unaware of what they are contributing to.
Our system has been systematically built in and to undo it is far beyond my capabilities and besides that not something that makes me happy. This can be someone else’s art.
There are many other things that I would prefer to be doing. Like watching deer! I just sat back down to write some more and saw some deer a mist the rays of the sun, the golden sun.
Wow, this story sometimes does sound a little dramatic even to me. Recounting my story these past few days I start to hear it from a different perspective. It is hard to BELIEVE.