Saturday, January 15, 2011

July 11, 2007 AMAZING GRACE

July 11, 2007

Yesterday was the best day of my life so far.  And today, will even be better.

Because:  I am 100% no doubt about it in love and am loved!

So if anyone was wondering what has been happening to me… well basically I have been a little out of my mind, walking on sunshine, and it just feels so good.

Now I know why I got that message last month.

The only truth is intimate love.  Everything else is an illusion.

Finally, today, I am at peace.  Finally today, I have a family and a home.  These are important things in my life and have always been so.  Wow, wow and wow how lucky can a girl get.  I have been told to be prepared to be amazed.  And right now I am feeling such amazing grace, how sweet the Lord.  I find it beautiful that through my spiritual journey this song has been sung to me more than a couple of times.

So many stories to tell once again about what transpired over the last few days.  But many of these stories are just too intimate and are between Al and I only and I will celebrate these stories in our very own personal scrapbooks.  These stories are so special to me that they deserve art and I will portray these stories for my second love, Art.  Because most of all I love the Lord, who has bestowed all these magical gifts on me.

I can honestly tell you it is absolutely magical how I feel.  How I know what love sick means.  How I listen to music and so much of it has been written for us… for our undying love. 

Love, Peace (the symbol is upside down I have found out).  That was the error I grew up in at a young age.  I think we are going back there.  There is no more time for any more bull shit.

A peaceful revolution is taking place and I will be honoured to play my role in this.

Al and I have so many dreams to gather.  I can’t even begin to know what the next one should be or the first one because the first two dreams that we had individually have come together… right now over me.

I guess I am a little more than just a little love sick.  I just sprayed on Al’s cologne because I miss him already.  He has been gone for an hour so far.  But by having his smell around I feel calm and know that he is there for me every step of the way.  He has told me this.

Everything he has been doing is for me because he so desperately does not want me to ever be hurt again.  Now that is what I call one romantic guy.  I don’t want to bore you with all of his strengths, but the only thing I will tell you that he is PERFECT for me.

Al (or as he jokingly refers to himself as my Albert from the Philadelphia cream cheese commercials) has finally convinced me to keep a list of the things I would like to get done in the near future.

At the top of our list was:  Get our house in order.

So we have been inquiring about apartments.  We were having a beer and munchies at Einstein’s yesterday,  going over the list of possibilities.

Of course, Al being the organized one of the pair takes the list and rates it by the ones that look most promising to call first.

Out of the thirty or so I found on Viewit, the number one Al choose was

VIT 53272 $1795 – some utilities included.
Gorgeous!  All appliances.  Newly renovated
Call Marion at ….

Of course, me being me, and not so organized, I forgot to write down the location.  (Al is helping me with this also.  That’s what makes a great partnership.  Working together to take out the best of each other.)

I have no idea why Al would choose this particular one to be #1 on our list to call.  Al calls Marion and asks when we can see the apartment and makes an appointment for 7 p.m. that evening.

One thing, he says to Marion is that we need to know the address.  So this is what Al writes down:
276 High Park, 3rd North of Annette
2nd Duplex

I’m desperately trying to get his attention while he is asking for directions.  We don’t need them, we are 4 houses south from what I use to call home.  I even know the postal code!

It was pretty mind blowing for me.  Because if you recall, from the beginning of my book, what did I want.   I wanted my old life back and that included  friends, my independence, a home in the same neighbourhood, and a love of my own.

What I could never even dare to dream of would be to also add to the list:
A more beautiful home, a new puppy and the most important thing of all… my very own soul mate!

Al and I discussed my impulsivity, for some very good reasons I’d prefer not to get into, a few days before.  He had me agree that we would not just take the first apartment we liked.  I promised him I would from now on think things through because I realize that I have gotten myself in some trouble because sometimes in my life I have not always done this.

Once we walked in the apartment, with just one look, we both knew, we were in love!

After all God sent me Al and Al me and this we could not doubt.  So when God sent us this gift there was no going back.  This place is absolutely perfect for us!   And now my dreams are bigger than my dreams and are our realities.

The place had originally been rented.  The woman who rented it was mysteriously called out East, due to some illness and they hadn’t heard from her. 

So now all I have to do is fill out the application, fax it over, and we will meet Dominic, our new landlord, this evening and sign a new lease on life.

What to be grateful for today – Home – Al – Because he is home to me

Thank you God, Shela, I am blessed.

July 12, 2007

“The Love you give is the Love you get”

I am writing in bed with Al beside me.  Yes I do like this.  Having my lover watch over me.

The only problem we may encounter is that we are both givers.  Someone also needs to be a taker, so we may fight over this?  Well certainly not fight but it will be something to keep our eyes open to.  It’s not fair if I am the one to take more of the pleasure from giving.  I will watch myself with this one.

I love these pens, beautiful bright colours.  I had to have them because this is what my life is like now.

All in bold and beautiful colours.

Al and I had a great day yesterday.

Once again not enough time to tell you about it!  But it was the peace fullest day so far.  We are getting there.

Right now we are both so excited we can barely contain ourselves.  It’s like being a kid at Christmas time.  I know Al had a hard time getting any sleep because he couldn’t stop going over all the plans we are making.

July 13, 2007

“In case of emergency please call Carol

Well Lord love em.  What else can I say?  You can’t choose your family, so I guess I will just have to live without them… some of the time.

Yesterday was not one of Al and my shiniest moments.

What a disappointment our family reunion was for the most part.

We were so much looking forward to having Al meet my family and for me to finally feel peace with them.

But, I guess the war is not over yet.  What a waste of energy.  Why are we fighting each other instead of helping each other?

“We’ve got to love one another right now…”

I can’t wait to start downloading music so I can have it with me at all times.  Music helps to calm us.

I could have certainly used some calming down yesterday.  Despite drinking glasses and glasses of wine.

The movie “Evan All Mighty” bombed.  What does eaven mean?  I have been wondering and now an am quite certain it is another term for h eaven without the h ell.  Ironic, that this would be one of Al’s peace offering gifts to my family and that it would bomb.

I was so disappointed in both Carol and much more so in Diane.  What is up that girl’s ass?  My God she has absolutely everything a girl could ask for but she still seems to have the need to control me.

Probably needs some physco analyzing

Note to self:  Have Dr. Arani refer.

Anyway it started off to be a great visit.  How it went so wrong is a huge ………

July 14, 2007

Oh what a tangled web we weave.

Funny, I was sitting on the John (I think I know why it is called a John?  The Throne?) And sometimes I get the best ideas here.  Also what a great place to read.  I just read this.

“I come to you and you see me whole.  You love me all the way around the equator and not just for some story I wrote.  When your door closes and the world’s outside we’re eye to I” by Rona Maynard

There is so much depth and meaning to me in this.

Another idea while I was sitting on the John is that perhaps each day should have a title.  Something to catch your attention.

Just went through my list and see that we have not accomplished yet, everything we are meant to accomplish before we get on with our destiny.

So I better rewrite my list.

-          Get house in order
-          Look for and get money
-          Get back with our families
-          We are not perfect but as long as we try
-          Pray
-          Thank the Lord
-          Buy scissors with rounded edges (safer)
-          Buy camera for Lesa
-          Buy new dress
-          Get organizer

Today I finally listened to my father.  And was taken aback.  Once he spoke I understood what he was talking about.

Sometimes I have a hard time listening.  But when I do I do do do get the messages.

They are often as clear as the nose on my face.

Remember to honour your mother and father.  I have not been doing this enough lately.  I ask for forgiveness because I have sinned.

Today I allowed myself to hear some harsh realities.  I was a concern for worry.  Also I learnt there is a difference between worry and fear… and for so long I have always thought they were the same thing.

How often I have not respected their worry.

Now I understand why it is a mother’s and father’s prerogative to worry.  Also your husband’s or lover’s or any significant other and I have many significant others but my main squeeze is Al.

So now I know when Al is worried he has good reason to.  People do not worry about you for no reason.  If someone worries for you... Worry for yourself because you are the only one who can save yourself.

Once again there are so many stories to tell and once again I must drop these stories in order to concentrate on the important ones.

Intimate Love is the only truth and everything else is an illusion.

And another thing I am really being to understand is that intimate love comes in many faces.

I am very tired right now.  Al and I did not stop com u ne ka ting all day yesterday.  It was a very special day. We had so much fun... in all ways.

At the end of the day (or the wee small hours of the morning I will love you most of all) and that has always been the worry time for me and as I have begun to find out, for Al also.

Worry is not wasteful… why did I believe this for so long.  Worry is love.

Today Al and I have some great plans.  We are going out to buy me a new dress for the karaoke party this evening so I will l0ok my best and will not cause alarm for all my intimate friends.

I will also bring my new camera because it is not me when I am not taking the pictures and when you are not yourself this causes alarm for others.

We will also buy an organizer so maybe, just maybe, I may get my life in order. 

Bi-polar person of the day:  Ezra Pound, the ultimate researcher of the unknown and hidden

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