May 8, 2007 DESPAIR

May 8

How can the people you think love you be so cruel to you?  I have never, never been cruel to anyone.  So when this happens to me I go crazy (not literally).  I don’t think I have been cruel to anyone to the best of my knowledge, other then perhaps when I made my Dad cry, and at the time I was on meds that were not right for me, and was very upset with my family for packing up all my furniture, etc. and putting it into storage against my wishes.  Even if you are completely manic it does not mean that everything you think is wrong.  Anyway that is another long story for another time. 

Today there are too many pent up emotions that I have to release.  And yes Lesa, you are allowed to get angry.  In fact I’m so angry that I had to knock myself out with an extra Seroquel plus two night time cold pills (my breathing is horrible, smog alert yesterday), and I smoked one cigarette after another.

Today the only thing I am thanking God for is that I did not have to make the trip to London with Dave to visit his parents (his Mom has Alzheimer’s).  Right now I am so angry I don’t know what I would say to him.

Anything I do around here is not appreciated.  Does Dave think I don’t have other things I’d rather be doing than planting his garden, cooking his meals…    Trying to make sure I do everything perfectly is exhausting.  It’s not the actual doing it, it’s the worry of not doing it perfectly that gets to me.  Well he isn’t that picky about what I feed him, I will give him that.  But I am a great cook, or so I have been told.

I’m smoking one cigarette after another.  For the good news, I didn’t even think of having a drink until around 2:00 a.m.   Under “normal” circumstances where I would have been “allowed” to drink I would have gotten drunk yesterday to try and shield my feelings.

What Tom said to me yesterday did hurt.  People have got to realize how damaging words can be.  We can become what people tell us we are, especially, if we are told this over and over again.  So parents beware.  Not that we have to have praise all the time but it does help.

Like the time Diane told me she didn’t want me to become a bag lady.  That comment has been rooted so deeply in my brain that is has become one of my worst fears.  I’m sure a lot of those bag ladies that we see have bipolar or some other mental illness.  They need compassion not disdain.   I don’t understand our world sometimes.  How can people think that anyone is in this predicament because they want to be, because they are lazy and imagine your own family would allow you to become one!

I have to get out what was said to me yesterday.  It’s painful for me and I’m trying to avoid the pain once again.  But I did not drink.  Kudos to me!

I have to “beef” up my ego today and say some good things about myself in order to get rid of some of the bad.

OK, I think I’m ready now.  Here goes.

When I got up in the morning I went about my usual routine.  I had calmed down from the night before.  Tom completely ignored me all day.  If I was upstairs he was down.  This was ok with me because I still needed to blow off a little steam.  I could hear him vacuuming at some point in the day.  So I realized he was doing housework (not a usual occurrence) trying to prove something to me.  But I’m stubborn and wasn’t about to get away from my “work” and help him as I would normally do. 

I am not the best housekeeper in the world.   I’m sorry but I just don’t enjoy it.   Also I don’t know even where to start around here.  Tom and Dave are collectors and have so much stuff around.  Their house is beautiful but can make me feel claustrophobic at times.  Why do some people need so much stuff around?  Also being gay they collect tons of theatre memorabilia, another strange phenomenon that I can’t even begin to understand.  The brain really is a fascinating subject.

I had done my chores.  I had cleaned the fishpond filter, emptied the dishwasher, picked up groceries, put on a stew that we were to take to Dave’s parents, watered the plants (which by the way I had spent most of Sunday planting). 

I decided just to do my “own” things during the day.  Own, owe, how much do I owe them? 

Around 4:00 p.m. I decided to call a truce and had a speech prepared in my head about how I knew sometimes I didn’t always pull my weight around here and how I hoped he could understand that I was dealing with some weighty issues.

My God, it hasn’t even been two weeks since I got back from my “having reached bottom” in Montreal.

I asked him if he would like a cup of coffee.  No answer.  “Would you like a cup of coffee Tom” again.  “No” he says and doesn’t even look up at me.  I asked him why he was mad at me.  (Hey, he wasn’t the one who had been treated like a piece of shit because he didn’t clean a counter top properly).

The conversation here on in went something like this.  From my point of view, and I do realize there are always two sides to a story.

Tom:  I’m not talking to you.

Me:  Why aren’t you talking to me?

Tom:  Don’t want to talk about it. (Maybe I should have left as this point)

Lesa:  Well I just wanted to tell you that I know I do not always pull my weight around here and I hope you can understand that I realize this but I’ve been going through some difficult times.

Tom:  You don’t know how lucky you have it.  (Well I wouldn’t exactly call my circumstances lucky?)

Me:  My feelings were hurt last night especially because I was feeling confident that there was nothing I could get “in trouble” for.  The kitchen was clean (or so I honestly thought, other than that darn granite counter top, which I have honestly come to hate.  I don’t know why I always mess up on that one?).  The floors swept, and had a pea soup on, plants watered, filter cleaned.

Tom:  Dave is right.  You are lazy.

Me:  Tom you have known me for nearly 20 years.  I worked with you.  Was I ever lazy?

Tom:  You are a different person now.

Me:  Well I hope you understand that part of this is because of my disorder.

Tom:  I think you use that as an excuse.

Me:  This is difficult for me.

Tom:  Difficult for you … huff … it’s difficult for all of us.

 

Me:  I realize this, that’s why I’ve been thinking about going back to Montreal.

Tom:  And live where?

Me:  With my parents

Tom:  Good.  They can have you.  You are the laziest person I know.

Me:  Look Tom, you may think I am doing nothing but I’m trying to start a new life for myself.

Tom:  You are the laziest person I have ever met in my whole life.

I tried to defend myself.  At this point I was seeing red and can’t remember what I may have said exactly.   But of all people, I thought Tom should understand that what I have been doing is similar to what he had been doing, selling theatre memorabilia over the internet on EBay, doing something he loved to do.  I know how much work this was for him but for some reason if what we are doing is something we enjoy it just isn't classified as work.  I know too that Tom also felt guilty about this and was lost about what to do.  I know Tom very well and we are both not lazy.  But guilt can sometimes get us.

Tom:  Dave is right.  I try to stick up for you but you do everything half assed because you don’t want to do it (well who really likes to do housework except my sister Diane, maybe.  She’s obsessed with it.  It relaxes her.  Her drug of choice.  I guess it is too bad I didn’t get this addiction.)  I’m not talking to you.

Me:  (In tears, and it takes me a lot to cry) ok then don’t talk to me.

People just don’t understand depression.  They think because you have no physical signs that you are perfectly ok.  There have been so many days where all I would like to do is put my head under my covers and hide from the world, but believe it or not, I push myself, so people will not worry, and mostly for my own good.  But honestly, only those who have walked in my shoes can understand how some days it’s even difficult to take a shower.  It takes time to mend a broken mind.

May 8 (night time)

I’m drunk as a skunk

I fell off the wagon. What can I say right now, but I don’t give a shit.

So many things said that hurt me to my very core.

How come no matter how good a person I try to be I get into trouble.

I’m not getting this.  It someone wants to put me down they can do it right now!

Go ahead complain, because I’ve forgot to put my glass on a coaster, occasionally.  I bring out the indoor cushion, I’m not a mind reader, who jumps at your every whim and fansy.

Pissed off  … is not the word right now.  Pissed maybe.  I’m steaming.

How can people not understand what’s going on in the world.  I’m on a tanget.

Wake up people!!!

I don’t even know where to start other than I spent most of my day discussing all my faults with Tom, like forgetting to put my glass on a coaster.  I’m livid right now and trying my best to calm down because I know in the whole scheme of things this should also be trivial to me!!

But how can you feel it’s trivial when you’ve been told that everyone is talking about you and insuating you’re a complete fuck up.

All I can say it let’s put this into perspective, and when it really comes down to it I don’t think I won’t be allowed in heaven because I’m a messy individual.

Oh, I now can write about so many of my faults, but you know what, if I leave a glass on the table and make a ring I don’t think it’s the end of the world.

I piss roaring drunk right now.  Oh I tried to be good but today was just too much for me.  I want to wrong some sense into people.

Here we are on this earth, with the majority of people starving or in some other dier circumstance and what do some people complaint about ….

You forgot to put your glass on a coaster.

And I swear to God, I have tried to be diligent about this, but occasionally I think I have more important things to worry about.

I’m sitting outside on the front porch, with a pillow I gather I should not use (another sin of mine) and am trying my darndest to put this into perspective.

Maybe people should watch the news (thought I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to)  What garbage were fed!!

There are so many other huge issues in the world than putting your glass on a coaster (something I am sure I do but screwed up last night)

What can I do.  I’m sitting here after four hours of a heart to heart with tom and am so confused.

The things he has said and brought up really hurt.  So much so that I don’t want to even write about it.

I don’t care what anyone thinks about me because is too late to care.

You can either understand or not.  That is your privilege …. Oh but some of the rebuttal I would like to get a cross.

But really, it is only one dirty counter top and do you know what … no one is going to make me feel guilty about it.

Tomorrow. May I will feell gratefull vfor someone

Today” Marilyn Munroe

May 9th  DESPAIR

I am in despair.

The things that are going through my mind right now no one would like to know … things I should not be thinking about.  I now know why so many people who have my disorder commit or try to commit suicide.

Oh, how I would like to have a drink right now.  But I won’t, for now anyway … yesterday this past week, has just been too much for me to handle.  Can people not understand that at this point maybe, just maybe I need a little break?

Why did they want me here if everything I do is criticized?

As Tom told me “You should hear about how people are talking about you.  And what I am talking about is just the tip of the iceberg”.

I was right also about the wedding project.  They don’t trust me to do it.  How am I supposed to get a career going if no one gives me a break?  Did I not do a great job with Dani and Connel’s album?

I’m feeling so emotionally drained and exhausted.  I’m feeling so bad about myself for having failed and just when I was thinking everything was so easy.

I will not write down some of the things I heard about me because I don’t want them imprinted in my mind.

I couldn’t even figure out what day it was today.  My head is so full of so many feelings.

Right now I’m feeling overwhelmed, angry, sad, guilty, mad at myself, embarrassed, like a complete fuckup, worried, drained, hopeless, ugly, fat, worthless, stupid, confused, purposeless ……

I’m not a ten year old.  I wish I was.

Today’s new rules.  I’m not allowed in the house anymore if Tom or Dave are not around.  I’m not allowed to smoke anywhere on the property.

This whole situation wouldn’t be bothering me so much if I hadn’t been trying.  It makes me feel like giving up.  I look back on what I’ve written and I think I’ve tried but it just isn’t enough for anyone.

Another rule, I’m only allowed to be on my computer at night.

How am I possibly able to stay here and stay sober when everything I do is criticized and I have to abide by these rules?  Even my journaling is looked on as a waste of time.

Am I such a bad human being?

I try to help or I think I am helping.  Another one of my sins, I didn’t make the stew before I left for Montreal.  Lorraine had emailed me at the last minute asking me to go to their place before they left for Japan. And if I would house and dog sit for them.  When they got back I helped Lorraine pack for her move.

Tom told me Lorraine said I was a hindrance more than a help.  Perhaps I was.

Barb just came by and what do I do but offer her to help repair her grass … you would think I have learnt my lesson by now.

I don’t know how I am going to look Dave in the eye when I next see him.

I also now know why he was in such a bad mood Sunday morning.  I guess I should also be a mind reader.  It was around 9 in the morning when I went in to ask him if he wanted to go for a walk (another rule) and his response was a very snippy, no I have too many chores to do.  I asked what there was to do.  I could do it when we got back.  The only thing he could come up with was laundry and I had done all the laundry a couple of days before, so there couldn’t be that much.  I think I try … I don’t fold underwear properly; I once hung up shirts inside out...  I do everything half assed, I am told.  Well I’m not a mind reader, I don’t know if it is time to do chores if you don’t ask me. I don’t know how you want your underwear folded and honestly it is very hard for me to care.

Tom asked me why I get kicked out of every place I stay .

Why is it that recently I am a good for nothing deadbeat?

Can anyone, for one moment think, just possibly think, perhaps I have some issues to deal with that are kind of difficult?  Like if it’s difficult for me to get in a shower some days.  That maybe I am a little depressed.  Does anyone think I want to live this way?  I finally start to care and stop being so afraid and feeling that perhaps there are some possibilities in life and I don’t have to kill myself slowly, and what happens, but this week.

Why do they think I had to have a couple of drinks throughout the day?  I didn’t have to tell anyone.  It’s called self-medicating.  How many of us that suffer from bipolar disorder get trapped into this.  No one even knew.  It was my decision to go and seek help.

I am shaking like a leaf right now.  I am so confused.

This is not how you treat a bipolar alcoholic.  This is not helping me at all.  The only thing I am certain of is that right now boy would I like a drink.

They even called the cops on me (who happens to be my girlfriend Dani). When I talked to her I was so drunk that I can’t even remember the conversation very well.   Only that she told me she looked at the wedding album that I had made for her every night and that I was very talented.  This I will remember.

But I don’t want to remember that Tom said she also told them to immediately kick me out of the house because I was drunk!

I also talked to my parents, who now are probably worried and Carol, who was very disappointed in me.  Does anyone thing I want to disappoint people.  All my life I have been a people pleaser, that is what my therapist told me.  And all I seem to do lately is disappoint people.

What do I do now?????

Bipolar person of the day:   Sylvia Plath

What I feel grateful for today:  THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO HAVE WORSE PROBLEMS THEN ME.  BUT AS THE WOMAN I TALKED TO IN GROUP LAST WEEK SAID, “AS IF THIS HELPS YOU’.

August 7, 2007 THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

August 7, 2007

Finally a good nite sleep

Ask and you shall receive

Finally in bed by 10 p.m.  Not that we fell asleep but at least we are resting one way or another.  I fell asleep on Al this time.  I never felt so tired in all my life.

The windows are wide open and all I see are the leaves… it is also important to see the leaves along with the trees, along with the forest.

I am craving nature.   It has been a year since I was up in beautiful Blue Mountain with Lorraine and David.  How different I am since them.

I have grown in leaps and bounds.

I wouldn’t mind sitting out in my little back yard today.  I think I will do some art if I get the opportunity.

Today is the first day of a routine I pray.  I am learning the more I pray and meditate the more the devil stays away.  This is one of the lessons I taught Al yesterday.  I think I taught him a few lessons after all it looks like it is my duty to be a teacher of some kind?

Al and I read our Toltec Wisdom cards yesterday.  Once again they are dead on… truly amazing grace.  Now I think that we are meant to be the keepers of a book of wisdom… a message we received form our Higher Power yesterday, through the cards.  One that is awesome 2 me… but of course WOW NOW will be the book of wisdom, so it does make sense.

Oh, it feels good to know I will not be dragging my ass all day.  Today is an important day for Al and me.

Al told me I was the first to save his soul. Since meeting me he is now into photography and would like to make this his art.  This is what he feels will save him.

One soul at a time.  I have tried to save a few souls in my life but this ended up just killing mine.  It’s a very dangerous thing to do without knowing what you are doing.

You can only help save a soul once your own is free from disease... but really don’t be concerned because our Higher Power will get to it when the time is right.

Al is sleeping soundly in front of me.  He is at peace.  This makes me happy.  Hope I can catch his dreams this time.

Yesterday I felt I had to get some things straightened out between Al and me.  I no longer wanted any misconceptions between us. It is certainly time to get down to business.  Not that we haven’t eaten, breathed and lived WOW NOW since we met.  But now we need to do it in a more organized manner.  How I need routine to keep me on course.

I told Al it was his duty to keep me organized, not to mention being my protector.  He has much more patience than me.  Oh, oh he is snoring.  I’ll take this in the living room.

I’m still feeling drained.  I guess I need my coffee… after all… before Al this was my routine. 

Of course we couldn’t get the internet running yesterday.  These large corporations are often a joke.  I really do wish they would learn to do things the right way from the beginning.  It should be about intelligent design.  I would like to do some research on George Brown’s project.  It was very intriguing to me.

Al and I went for dinner at Shox yesterday.  Our waitress was with child… a little boy…

Well I guess that is enough 4 1 day.  Time to pray... time to give thanks.

I am grateful that “I have a good mother”

August 9, 2007

Al’s Well in La La Land

There is no place like home…

There is no place like home

Al has just gone to get our coffee so I will not have much time to write.  Today is organization day for our home.   We must get this home in order before we can truly produce what we want to.

I am feeling very domesticated today.  Back to the old Lesa, Martha Stewart.

I love sitting out on our balcony and watching the world go by.  So I am giving myself a few moments of peace in order to start the day.  How wonderful, what a wonderful world, especially when the one you love shares it with you. 

I was beat yesterday, but today we woke up at 7 a.m.  I have a feeling things are going to go so much smoother for us now.

Well, I made the big leap of faith and signed the bottom line for the offer of our home.  It was a “no brainer” as our landlord, Dominic mentioned, more than once.  When you get a gift from your Higher Power you must treasure it. 

It’s nice and cool right now but this afternoon it will be sweltering once again… 1oo degrees in the shade.

Can’t wait to set up our home.  It won’t be done in a day.  Still have stuff all over the place and the paint will have to wait until we actually take possession… September 12, 2007

Bi-polar person of the day:  Al Lal

I am grateful for:  Home and Al l that is in it.

August 10, 2007

The dream continues

Every journey continues with the first step, and so on and so on

And so on we go.  We did have a few surprises yesterday.  Once again I did not recognize the signs correctly.  Well, we are not pregnant.  Of course we were both disappointed at first but after considering what a huge mission we have to undertake we realize it was a gift from above that this special event must be delayed in order for us to really enjoy the miracle of it.

There is a little Jag and a little Rain floating in paradise waiting for us.

After all, we were already granted with a few miracles. Not only that, we have many children in our lives that we would love to reconnect with. 

Also, this is not a good time for us to have worries, and to be honest, I did have a few concerns that I am not prepared to bring children into the world right now.  Not to mention that now is a dangerous time for children to be brought into this world.

We must first try and help save this world so they will have a safe haven on earth to live in.  It’s our duty to clean up this joint.  Speaking of which we are making progress.  Sometimes not in the way we suspected but much progress was made yesterday non the less.

Where ever Al goes he bumps into soldiers.  Yesterday, he had five new business cards to add to our every growing army of humanitarian crusaders.  Yes the holy rollers are coming out in droves and all artists to boot.  I would like to also mention that anyone with our vision is welcomed to join the posse.  The only criteria is that you do it from the heart with your art.

We must get to the fine art of living fulfilling, spiritual lives.  Those who don’t may not live to regret it.

We have invited Nancy (Al’s sister) and her boyfriend for dinner on Sunday.  We are hoping Denis will also make it as we feel he would be a good buffer. 

It will be the first meal prepared in our new home. 

Ahhh, just took my first sip of coffee and ate ½ a bagel and soy yogurt.  I want to get back to my healthy living.  I’m having a difficult time relaxing some of the time.  I got a message from Tut today saying some minor physical differences can help in our mission.

Al is laughing like a crazy fool right now, watching Raymond.  I have been having a difficult time not doing anything work related.  Unless it is making love of course.  This I’m certainly not giving up.  It rebuilds my stamina.

I wish I could be more like Al.  I know he worries that my brain will heat up and start smoking from all the thoughts that are pouring out and that they won’t ever get finalized because I keep on jumping on to the next. 

Routine is important.  Rest is important.  Exercise is important.  Healthy eating… yoga… taking care… doing my art is very important.  Al also bought me some pills recommended by the health food store to help keep my mind balanced.

Well time to relax.  Back to bed for an hour.  I feel I need it.

Another thing I am coming to realize is that I am actually getting physically sick when I see or hear anything evil.

Just want to do my job right now to the best of my abilities.  So I need to improve my abilities.

Slow down you move to fast.

August 11, 2008

Make love not War

  Absolutely what is it good for???

We are making so much progress.  It hasn’t been a piece of cake, I might add but I see every part of our mission growing.

Al and I have been blissfully left alone most of this week. Not even a note from Tut this a.m. I do miss hearing from him.

How the symbols for my alphabet are growing and making more sense to me.  But this is just the beginning of a new language.  Can’t wait to get the kids on board. 

Communication is so necessary and often so unnecessary.  Actions speak louder than words. 

I learnt something very interesting yesterday.  Just how easy it is for our brains to be tricked into believing mistruths.  Now that I know I am not with child I can eat anything I want.  Just the day before I was throwing up or feeling ill with most foods.

How very strange, something we need to research.  There is a lot we need to find out.

Yesterday Al and I discussed having a search engine in WOW NOW, in order to make it easier to get answers to all these question the human race may have.  Of course this is a huge undertaking but Al came up with a great idea.  He is going to solicit soldiers at the university.  We hear Sheridan has some top notch talent.  If they are good enough for Disney… just Imagine

We have been coming up with all kinds of ideas on how to support our mission.  Also how two fund it.

Progress also is being made here at home.  The final load being delivered today.  By tomorrow we will have the place looking like a dream.

Speaking of which I had a beautiful one last night.

Progress also is being made with our relationship.  All it took was a little tweaking.  Al realized too many beers can make him grumpy and puts a little of the devil in him so he decided to only have beer on special occasions.  I am a very happy, creative drunk… I don’t want to lose my joy de vie.

However too much of a good thing is not healthy so starting Monday we are back to my old ways of measuring our intake on many counts.  This use to keep me in check in so many areas of my life.  It definitely helps keeping checks and balances on yourself.

It will make us much stronger in the long run.  I have been running on empty lately.  So has Al. 

This is where I find my peace:  Intimate love.  It feeds my precious desires.

August 13, 2007

Me and Mr Jones

Two Arts are better than 1

I am going to practice my WOW NOW new alphabet slowly, until it becomes like 2^nd nature.  Rome wasn’t built in a day.  I hope it is self explanatory.

Another gift from our High Power.  I see the beauty in the simplicity.  Use basic symbols.

Wouldn’t this help in so many areas?  First off, it is relatively easy to learn.  I can see this helping so many children who think different from the so called norm. This could help kids with short term memory, dyslexia, mental retardation, autism, a.d.d., a.d.h.d., downe syndrome, and so on and so on and so on.

Were there always so many children with mental problems or are we just hearing more about it now?  Something is very wrong and I can feel it in my bones.  My 6^th sense.  And I have a stinking suspicion once again it has to do with the pharmaceutical companies.

Those greedy son’s of bitches who will kill mind, body and spirit in order to make $$$$$$$

I am going to investigate.  I will definitely add who ever is making these decisions to my 144 evil people list.

I have been finding a few names.  Some will surprise you.  This list is just the beginning and I must be careful that I am getting the right signs from my Higher Power.

The list of 144,000 soldiers who are here to save the world is a much easier one to share.

So starting today I am back to Brigette Jones and am going to track my intake and outtake and my moods.  For someone with bi-polar disorder it is important to keep on top of things because it doesn’t take too much and we become less than we could be.

From what I have researched, I am seeing some great minds that often are blown.  So part of my research will be to find out just what happens to these brilliant minds.

Is it proper diet, nutrition, the right amount of exercise, learning to relax?  I know this is an important one for me.  One huge conclusion I have come to is that those pharmaceutical companies are one of the most dangerous evils for us.  I will never ever take another pill that is synthetic to control my moods.  This I have seen first  hand at CAMH and Jean Tweeds.  This is devastating to people with addictions and afflictions.

One of the worse drugs  is methadone.  Both Al and I have seen some very strong soldiers come under the spell of methadone.  Pure evil.  Do you know that it was invented by the Germans during WWII to keep their soldiers hooked and at their beck and call!

Anyway let’s just pray that someone out there is looking into the matter.  Without a lot of support from fellow humanitarians WOW NOW will never take off the ground.  We are searching desperately to find those interested in our cause.

Tomorrow Al is going to Ryerson to see if he can solicit some young, unscathed minds who can help us with our technical issues.  We are a bunch of old farts when it comes to this.

Also, I have been investigating some Mary Magdalene stories and there are some connections that are a little mind blowing too me.   One little interesting tid bit I will let you in on is that the V symbol = feminine.  How often that symbol comes up.  The O also?  Today I am going to play around with it.

We, me and my Mr. Jones (a.k.a. Al) have been doing some serious bonding of late.  We truly feel our Higher Powers are giving us this opportunity so we will be totally prepared to work together as 50%/50% partners in all areas.

We have had no distractions this whole week.

AL A LU YA

Our home is becoming so beautiful it makes me cry tears of joy.  Our relationship is growing stronger every day. 

Well guess it is time to sign off because Al owes me some loving.

Bi-polar person of the day:  Virginia Wolf

Grateful for “Mr. Jones” (my little devil)

August 14, 2007

We must be in Heaven

The only 1 who can tell u when it is time to go is your higher power

Doctor’s r not gods

8 hours of sleep – AL A  LU Ya

Now our mission is totally under way.  We have our I.T. department.  Crucial to any business is their systems.  And you are not going to believe where Al found him.  The bus stop.

Yes once again God winks at us.  We know we are ready to go.  We are thrilled.

Al didn’t get on the bus and the kid just missed the bus, and they of course discussed WOW NOW.  Al would never let any opportunity go to waste.  The kid was intrigued.  The first thing he said is “you’re not doing this for money, right !!! 

We are sold on this kid.  Al says he is a 20 year old with a soul of a 41 year old soul dear.

Yes, this is what I will call us.  We are soul dears.

The kid emailed us right away saying he was excited.  And of course his girlfriend is an Artist.  And the kid is out to get us more soul dears.  So we will probably have this built in a day.

Exaggerations of course, but I have a feeling our website is going to take off like wildfire!

So there was no stopping us yesterday.  Al and I have had the best day of our lives so far and do you know what I have this

Strange Suspicion

And

Just

Imagine

John Lennon (a true soul dear)

That it is even going to get better.  Yesterday we had a great day.  We were supposed to get our pedicures and manicures done but ended up not making it because we bumped into friends, Paula and Ron.  We met them about a month ago at Axis and got along like a house on fire.

We had a great evening with them.  So I am hoping they will become a fixture around here.  We will have a house full soon enough.  We are over the moon.

We got back in such a giddy mood.  I laughed so hard I peed my pants.  At least I would have if I had them on.  When I walked into the house my pants just slipped down.  Al looks at me and laughs so loud, that I can’t stop.  Anyway you had to be there.  It was hilarious.  As Al says, doesn’t take me too long to get my pants off.

So how is that for a great day.